Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Murder and mayhem -- candy edition.

This is an atrocity for two major reasons.

1. IT IS JULY 26, or it was when I took this picture. COME ON, PEOPLE. If you can't wait until at least Labor Day for your stupid Halloween-themed chocolate, how the hell are you going to teach your children to wait until Christmas to open presents, until 21 to start drinking, until marriage to have babies? It may seem like no big deal, but these are the symptoms of our national return to infancy. Patience is a hallmark of maturity.

2. Not that this looks like it's worth waiting for, anyway. Candy-corn flavored white chocolate M&M's? I'm a seeker of sugar and a knockover for novelty, but this is just stupid. Still, Mrs. Key likes candy corn in small doses (she has unusual taste, as my presence in the home confirms). But then, she doesn't like white chocolate. I like white chocolate, but dislike candy corn. You lose on both counts, Red!

I've actually gotten into it with this supermarket chain for being first out with the Halloween crap in the past. Late July is three months! before Halloween. A quarter of the year! They apologized and continued to do it anyway. They wouldn't if we didn't buy it.

I don't know if manufacturers embargo this stuff until---oh, maybe August 1? But I was in Walmart that same day and I didn't see any Halloween stuff. Halloween is almost a hundred days from now!

The Back-To-School stuff has been out for a week or so, sure, but for some students that is less than a month away.

Well, maybe that's a backdoor way to teach children patience. Rushing to Halloween means no more summer. Happy now, kids?

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