Things I learned from watching 80’s movies.

A Baby Ruth bar can float for an almost unlimited amount of time in a chlorinated swimming pool and still be edible.

Exterior car maintenance is a good way to learn self-defense.

Some excellent secret agents of the United States government have Austrian accents.

Never go camping.

Girls love bad boys. Rugged, surly, cigarette smoking, beer drinking, unshaven, ripped-clothes-wearing... Basically an unemployable drunk in a wife-beater is a woman's dream guy.

If in a pitched battle in the woods against imperial storm troopers, get a bunch of teddy bears to help.

If a computer or anyone operating through it asks if you want to play a game, say no. (This turned out to be a useful lesson when dealing with phishing.)

If you are a police detective, at some point you will have to partner with someone who is completely your opposite, and very likely has no experience in law enforcement.

Hot grown-up women are exhibitionists at heart.

If one is dedicated to this binary proposition:
1) Chew bubble gum
2) Kick ass
and one does not wish to get into fisticuffs, one must make certain to bring an adequate amount of bubble gum.

Girls love to watch boys’ shirtless volleyball--when the boys are fighter pilots.

Given enough time and determination, the hunter will become the hunted.

No one ever gets shot in the head, so a bulletproof vest makes you invulnerable.

A banana in the tailpipe of a car will definitely disable the vehicle.

The smartest guy on Wall Street can easily be goaded into admitting guilt to a younger associate who has already been arrested, as long as they meet in a park.

Drunks are fun people and everybody likes them.

If you fake illness to take off from school for a day, you can visit every major attraction in Chicago, including an entire Cubs game. (Although some have suggested that only works if you leave once the Cubs start losing.)

The best cops play by their own rules. It seems to make them tougher, more street-smart, and better shots, too.

Dancing is much more important than things like school and church and work.

People under mental domination may be brought to their senses by having fire waved in their faces.

If you want to be the best, you have to beat the best.