As reported in that stalwart organ of honest reportage, England's Sunday Express, NASA followers spotted this small fuzzy squirrel-like rodent in a 2012 surface shot by the Curiosity Rover. In fact, this story is five years old, and I can't believe it's only now being brought to my attention.
Obviously there's a cover-up.
If you need more proof, just consider this:
- NASA stands for National Aeronautics and Space Administration, but it also stands for North American Squirrel Association. Coincidence?
- Some of the first animals in space included Gordo, Baker, and Goliath, all squirrel monkeys, and a Soviet dog named Belka... which is Russian for squirrel.
- NASA admits that the Johnson Space Center is basically overrun with... you guessed it... squirrels: "The majority of wild animals onsite are much smaller. One of the most abundant groups is squirrels."
So it's clear there is some connection.
Some questions remain, of course, despite this evidence:
1) Is this a photo of a native Martian creature?
2) Was it an Earth squirrel shot up there by NASA... or abducted from Earth by aliens?
It was Dave Barry's blog that brought this story to my attention. Barry, of course, is a longtime chronicler of squirrels' war on humanity, and he and his commenters suggested more possible scenarios to this horrifying reality:
1) The squirrels have their own space program
2) The squirrels are in league with the Martians to enslave Earth
3) Squirrels are Martians and have been working against us this whole time, disguised as cute arboreal critters
All these possibilities are bad, but the solution is clear: We need more dogs. Dogs are not good at climbing, but sometimes these "squirrels" don't get away.
Keep alert, and keep watching the trees. The truth is up there.