Saturday, October 22, 2016

Everything is scaaaaary.

It's almost Halloween! The supermarket is scaaaaary!

Okay, wait -- Cap'n Crunch has a Halloween-themed cereal?

Quaker Oats, the parent company, has lost their minds. Or have they? After all, the Cap'n is supposed to be a kind of historical figure, a contemporary of pirates like the wicked Jean LaFoote, and pirate stories are closely allied with ghost stories. Skulls 'n stuff, you know. The Cap'n also battled inhuman beasts like the Soggies. So why not Halloween Crunch, with marshmallow ghosts that turn milk green? Mr. Breakfast says it's been around for some time, but I've never seen it before. Maybe in years past it was too SPOOOOOKY for me to see in daylight.

Well, if Cap'n Horatio Magellan Crunch can gear up for Halloween, then surely the General Mills line of spoooooky cereals like Boo Berry, Franken Berry, and Fruit Brute are really getting gung-ho for the big day, right?

Well, yeah---but the wrong big day:

It would appear that while other non-monstrous cereals are gearing up for Halloween, the monstrous cereals are getting worked up for Election Day.

I only saw the Boo Berry box on this foray. It seems that he's got the ground game going. But despite that, it looks like Count Chocula is running away with the voting so far, at least as I write. (Franken Berry is only winning one state so far---Montana. Weird.)

So Halloween is scaaaaaary. Election Day this year is ever scaaaaaarier, you ask me. But regular readers (and God bless you!) know that I'm alternately terrified and peeved by the rapid passage of time, helped along by retailers who can't wait until the current holiday or season is over before pushing the next.

So what was the scariest product I saw at the store?

Christmas-themed storage bags! Aaaarrrrgh!!!!!


P.S.: Yeah, I know Fruit Brute bit the dust years ago. Some people say he got a shave and a real job, but I ain't buying it. I think he joined the Peace Corps, got hooked on khat in Africa, started up with heroin when he got back to the States, and is living on the streets of Fresno. Weirdly specific theory, I know.

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