1) Dust off the old Ben Cooper costume.
Check! Got the Fonz costume ready to roll! Aaaaayyyy!!
2) Practice your apple-bobbing. I know, despite all your preparation you've never once been invited to bob for apples. This could be the year!
3) Buy more candy to replace all the candy you ate. That was supposed to be for the children, you know.
4) Go on Facebook; post your plans, inflated by at least 40% coolness. Watch as others proceed to top you.
5) Finish your holiday reading. I was late off the mark this year, but I'm thoroughly enjoying the third book in Jonathan Stroud's Lockwood & Co. series:
Yes, it's a young adult novel, but who cares? It's brilliant. And if you haven't read Stroud's Bartimaeus series, you're a bad Halloweener.
6) Paint the walls with dripping red to look like blood. Sure, it'll be hard to cover after the holiday, but come on: Halloween comes but once a year.
7) Now buy more candy to replace the new candy you bought and ate. Do you want to be stuck giving out fruit and canned goods on Halloween night? Talk about asking for the flaming bag of dog poop.
8) Bake 800 little cupcakes all meticulously decorated to look like mummies, monsters, vampires, and so on. Eat them instead of the candy, since trick-or-treaters will not be allowed to take baked goods from strangers.
9) TP your own trees. Save the kids the trouble.
10) Write a scary story. Dear friend Mr. Philbin has challenged me to write a Halloween story in under a thousand words, and I have done so; it will be posted in this space tomorrow.
11) Remember, All Saints Day is on Tuesday, followed by All Souls Day on Wednesday. After all this, and with the prospect of Election Day in the offing, not to mention the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's machine about to chew up the rest of your year, you'll want to do some praying.