Thursday, January 8, 2015

20 bad similes.

  • Plays banjo like an angel
  • Swift as the mighty oak
  • Bakes like a ballerina
  • Cold as Vanilla Ice
  • Light as a balloon that has been filled up with light things, not a bunch of tiny pebbles like my cousin Mario once spent an entire afternoon doing when he was bored, because that would be heavy, not light
  • Runs like diarrhea
  • Small as something really small
  • Fat as a pancake
  • Tight as the seal on a CF8M (316), ISO 4144 standard stainless steel weld nipple
  • Strong as a stink
  • Hot as my spankin' hot Camaro, uh-huh, uh-huh
  • Hairy as Grandpa Pete's nostrils
  • French as a fry

Graceful as a bus station

  • Happy as a stapler
  • Waves breaking like water
  • Proud as a mini golf course
  • Groovy as a hepcat, daddy-o
  • Tidy as a toddler
  • Fartin' like a boss
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