Tuesday, August 5, 2014

The lost poop.

0500 hours--Captain Poopy of Dawn Patrol reports for doody.

"What's the problem today, sir?"

"Look at this map of the front yard, captain," said the major, waving his pointer briskly. "We've identified targets here, here, and here."

"Yes, sir, Major Crapper. We can pick those up before the sun is in the sky."

"See that you do. Now, here's the problem, captain. We know for a fact that there was a big one dropped somewhere in this vicinity." The major circled an area on the map with his pointer. "But intelligence has lost the trail. We need to get this before first light, captain, but there's very little to go on."

Captain Poopy chuckled. "Frankly, sir, the whole area is apparently something to go on."

"Not funny, captain. You know what happens if we don't get this taken care of."

"Sir, I am aware that it's trash day," said Captain Poopy, all business. "We'll make that pickup, I promise."

The captain saluted, and moments later was off to get his trusty Consolidated B-98 Depooperator fired up and in the air.

0530--Poopy patrolled the yard, his steely gaze quickly spotting the three known targets in the dim predawn light, his trusty scooper eliminating them with deadly efficiency. But the location of the lost poop was still a mystery. Visibility was poor---time to cut the grass!---and sunup was in less than twenty-five minutes. Then the garbage men would follow.

With a grim smile on his face, the captain swooped lower. He was exposing himself to greater risk this way. It would be easy to walk right into a trap. And these were new shoes.

Just as the last star winked out of the moonless sky, just as the captain thought he must break his promise to the major, there it was! His keen eye snagged the final target---the lost poop! In seconds he had swooped in and removed the target.

Captain Poopy turned his Depooperator toward the porch, toward home. There was still time to bag it and drop it at the curb. It was another successful mission for Dawn Patrol.

"Promise kept, major," the captain muttered to himself with a small, tight grin. "Looks like it's going to be a beautiful day."

No comments: