It's a truism that I've found to be utterly true, that when you get a dog you get to meet a lot more people, and while you learn the names of their dogs, you often have no idea who these people are.
"Hi! What kind of dog is that?"
"Oh, he's a long-haired Shepherd. This is Nixon."
"...Interesting name!"
"My wife's a big fan of the late Marni Nixon. Who's your fella?"
"This is Tralfaz, named for the Jetsons' dog."
"Astro?"
"Remember the episode where Astro's original owner sues the Jetsons to get him back?"
And so on. Meanwhile Nixon and Tralfaz are inhaling each other's nethers and having a wonderful time. Soon we part, and while I will remember all those details about Nixon, it doesn't dawn on me for a bit that I never found out the name of the man walking her. He will become Nixon's Daddy, and remain so until one of us dies or moves. (For the record, this is a hypothetical example; I don't know any dogs named Nixon.)
Our neighborhood has a number of fine dog people -- Mulligan's Mommy, Finnegan's Daddy, Teddy's Mommy, Sophie's Kid, and so on. No earthly clue what the names of the humans are.
In other cases we have the unknown dogs, the dogs who we see or hear a lot but have never met, or when the above scenario played out, the owner didn't happen to mention the dog's name. In such cases, my wife and I will often supply our own names, so we know who we're talking about. It's shorthand. So rather than:
"Did you see that guy with the huge black dog today?"
"Which huge black dog?"
"The one with the white chest and the short tail."
"No."
"Pooped on the lawn, but promptly cleaned it up, like a good American."
"I hope you mean the dog pooped and the man cleaned it up."
Instead, I just say, "Did you see the guy walking Bruiser today?" and she knows which dog I mean.
Here are some of the other unknown dogs around town:
Guard Dog -- An All-American, as they say, with a ferocious bark, whose owner used to keep him tied to a tree when he was outside. Named for the similarly fated dog from the
Mutts comic strip, but didn't look like him. Since moved away with his owner.
Boofie Newfie -- Aggressive Newfoundland who is very serious about defending his property and seems to be constrained by an Invisible Fence or something like that. That doesn't stop our dogs from wanting to go up and befriend Boofie Newfie, but I do. Newfie seems serious, and the breed is usually
considered protective.
Craven -- On the other hand, Craven is a white dog who likes to sit on his porch and wait for a chance to act threatening. My wife walked Tralfaz up that way when Fazzy was an oversized puppy, no more than five months, and the white dog charged up sounding mean. My wife was going to walk away, but decided she didn't want Fazzy to learn to be afraid of other dogs, so she had our dog sit on the sidewalk and they waited for Craven to give up. He did.
Invisible Mongrels -- Two houses nearby have large backyards that border each other, and both yards have solid wooden fences. I've never seen any of the four or so dogs in these yards, but they go berserk when I walk one of our guys along the street. Alternate name:
Internet Commenters.
The Twins -- Two active medium-size dogs that Tralfaz and I met just once, but who both took a huge liking to my guy and wanted to play. No idea what kind of dogs they are, but they have to be litter mates as they are identical.
Blind Dog -- Also called
Foggy Doggy. Literally a dog with no eyesight, small and gray, belonging to an elderly woman who picked her from a shelter because she saw fight in that little runt. And Blind Dog, who was herself elderly when we met her, certainly seemed full of personality, able to navigate life perfectly well with nose and ears. Friendly but businesslike, sniffing one visitor briskly and then turning to the next, assessing the situation. Have not seen Blind Dog in over a year, leading us to think she has crossed that rainbow bridge, as they say. Which must be a rainbow of smells, too.
Meatbawl -- Name spoken with a New Jersey accent. This dog was said by its owner to be a Shih Tzu when it was a puppy. Well, he was half right. Looks like a dog crossed with a weasel. Does not seem to be bright, and is ignored for long stretches of time. We feel sorry for Meatbawl.
Killer & Diller -- We do not feel sorry for these two aggressive dogs, pitch-black and vicious, who busted out of their chain-linked yard one day when I was walking Tralfaz across the street and came after my peace-loving pooch. Their owner got them off with some kind of treat before Tralfaz got hurt, and before
they got hurt by
me. I've gone by with Nipper too, and they bark like they want to tear him to shreds. If they get out again, I'm not going to hesitate to kick their faces to defend my dog. I am not kidding.
Macho Camacho -- A little Havanese (if that's not redundant) who likes to trot out to the street to give my dogs a piece of his mind. Not mean, but he has an attitude of "All right, move along, nothing to see here" that commands the respect of my much larger dogs. Owned by a very friendly family, whoever they are. (BTW, I know Hector "Macho" Camacho was Puerto Rican, not Cuban, but Cuban boxers have lousy or inadequate nicknames.)
Magic Dog -- The frequent escapee I've
written about before, whom all the domestic dogs envy. He's so wild and freeeee! And possibly has been run over by a car, since I have not seen him for a while. He's a nice dog, so I hope his owner just got him secured better.
Shetlie -- We've covered Shetlie
on these pages before too, a very cute Shetland Sheepdog who, like their kind, barks at everything all the time or nothing at all. I named him Shetlie because the nickname for the breed,
Sheltie, is wrong. There's no such place as "Sheltand."
Statler & Waldorf -- Two big dogs most often seen on the owners' fenced-in porch on a hill; given to barking snidely at all passing traffic, especially other dogs. Named, of course, for the Muppets'
famous old hecklers, themselves named after famous hotels.
Fifi -- Possibly my favorite, Fifi is a
Samoyed with the breed's enormous cloud of white hair. She looks like a large dog but I believe she may weigh ten pounds under all that fluff. Both my guys act like lovesick kids around her, despite having been neutered. She's friendly, and so is the man that owns her. He's a garrulous sort, quick to engage in all sorts of topics, from work to sports to weather to dogs, but has not once offered his name or hers, nor asked ours (or let in room for introductions). I am pretty certain his dog's name is not Fifi, but she looks as much like a Fifi as you can without being a Toy Poodle.
Speck -- A tiny black dog owned by a large and unfriendly woman. Perhaps she is protective of her dog when someone (me) with a large dog draws near, leading to her rapid disappearance, her frown floating behind her like a disgusted Cheshire Cat. Anyway, whatever her motivation, her dog is tiny and black, like a speck of ink.
Maybe some of their owners will see this blog entry, recognize their dogs, and decide we had better names for their dogs than they did. If so, they are welcome to help themselves. It would help keep things organized around here, I say.
