Name that dog!

Our dogs like Milk-Bone brand treats, and Milk-Bones have advantages over other dog treats -- for us anyway -- they don't stink and they aren't mushy. You can carry one in your pocket without having to dry-clean your coat. I think they're fine as part of the dogs' balanced diet, and if they have that then their diet is better than mine, anyway.

But I bring it up actually to bring up the dog name issue again.

Bones for Friends is a limited edition version of the standard medium-size Milk-Bone biscuits with popular dog names printed on them, as you can see. Well, I purchased this box, but I'm bound to be disappointed. As Milk-Bone says:

Our original biscuits have popular dog names on them! Reach inside and find the perfect treat to celebrate your Best Furry Friend. Found you [sic] friend’s name on a bone?

Not likely. As you, dear readers, know, we named our dogs Tralfaz and Nipper. Tralfaz was the original name of George Jetson's dog Astro when he was owned by the neglectful but wealthy J.P. Gottrockets. And Nipper, in addition to being a good description of our younger dog when he was a puppy, is the famous mascot of RCA Victor. Neither of these are popular names.

Our friends at pet-supply retailer Chewy recently released a list of the most popular pet names for the year based on customer profiles, and it's pretty blah. Dogs:

1. Bella
2. Max
3. Lucy
4. Luna
5. Daisy
6. Charlie
7. Bailey
8. Buddy
9. Molly
10. Sadie

It's the same damn names every year. Not that there's anything wrong with them; they're cute and cheerful, and most are two syllables, which are easy for dogs to remember and to distinguish from other sounds we make. But they're dull. And very much like the top ten cat names -- half are identical. I am of the opinion that a solid cat name should not make a good dog name, and vice versa, and yet here are Luna, Bella, Max, Lucy, and Charlie.

1. Luna
2. Bella
3. Oliver
4. Lucy
5. Charlie
6. Max
7. Milo
8. Kitty
9. Leo
10. Shadow

BORRRing, people. Be creative! Be different! Come on, this is one time in life where you can name something that won't turn on you later for it.

"DAMN IT, MOM! I don't care if Bertha was your favorite aunt! IT'S A STUPID NAME!"

"Bertha, please! I think it's a lovely name. And I'm sorry if you don't care for it, son."

And what's with all the Bella stuff? It can't be because of the Twilight movies, can it? If pop culture was driving this I'd expect to see more Harrys. Look at the others: Buddy. Sadie. Where do they come from that everyone's using them? (I guess of all the Irishy names people like to stick on dogs, like Seamus and Jameson, Bailey was the only one that was used enough to stand out in the crowd.)

The New York City dog licensing people made a search feature to show how many registered dogs in the city have a particular name. And yeah, it's the same stuff. Bella: 1,195. Max: 1,153. Charlie: 856.

Nipper: 3. Tralfaz: 1. Although there are 34 Astros.

So I figured there's not a chance of finding my dogs' names in this box of cookies. Then I pulled one out -- this is, honest to goodness, the first one out of the box:

Macie? That's not on the top ten list. There's only 7 Macies in all of New York City.

So, who knows? I'll keep you informed. Maybe Milk-Bone was willing to go the extra length for the sake of all the canine Berthas out there. (Four Berthas in NYC right now.)

🐕🐕🐕

P.S.: To our friend Mongo, regarding his late pup Raven, there are also 7 Ravens currently in New York. There's 1 dog in town named Mongo as of this date, BTW. For some reason I could not get it to tell me how many dogs have Raven's old nom de net, Mongrel, so I assume none.