Space make deaf.

A friend of mine posted this from Beyond Fest, and it really is a gem. 

If the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences had any real sense or taste, they would indeed enshrine this film depiction in their Academy Museum.

I showed it to my wife, and she said, "Google Translate would do a better job than this!"

That, of course, got me to thinking: Would it? Let's find out! 

Here in the depiction of the 1979 horror-SF classic Alien from IMDb, with tagline added: 

In the distant future, the crew of the commercial spaceship Nostromo are on their way home when they pick up a distress call from a distant moon. The crew are under obligation to investigate and the spaceship descends on the moon afterwards. After a rough landing, three crew members leave the spaceship to explore the area on the moon. At the same time as they discover a hive colony of some unknown creature, the ship's computer deciphers the message to be a warning, not a distress call. When one of the eggs is disturbed, the crew realizes that they are not alone on the spaceship and they must deal with the consequences. In space, no one can hear you scream.

 Now we'll put it into Google Translate and turn it into Chinese.

在遙遠的未來，商業宇宙飛船 Nostromo 的船員們在回家的路上接到了來自遙遠月球的求救信號。機組人員有義務進行調查，隨後飛船降落在月球上。粗略著陸後，三名機組人員離開宇宙飛船去探索月球區域。在他們發現一些未知生物的蜂巢群的同時，船上的計算機將消息解讀為警告，而不是求救信號。當其中一個蛋受到干擾時，機組人員意識到他們在宇宙飛船上並不孤單，他們必須處理後果。在太空中，沒有人能聽到你的尖叫聲。

So far, so good. Now we'll turn it back into English and see how it looks. 

In the distant future, the crew of the commercial spacecraft Nostromo receives a distress call from the distant moon on their way home. The crew was obliged to investigate, and the spacecraft landed on the moon. After a rough landing, the three crew members left the spacecraft to explore the lunar region. While they spot a hive of unknown creatures, the ship's computer interprets the message as a warning, not a distress signal. When one of the eggs is disturbed, the crew realizes they are not alone on the spacecraft and they have to deal with the consequences. In space, no one can hear your scream.

That's terrific. A couple of small changes but no problem at all understanding it. Nothing laughable. Is Google really that good? Or is it just really deeply in love with China? 

Let's try the translation with another language, like say Kurdish. 

Di paşerojeke dûr de, ekîba keştiya fezayê ya bazirganî Nostromo li ser rêya malê ne dema ku ji heyvek dûr bangek tengahiyê digirin. Ekîb mecbûr in ku lêkolîn bikin û keştiya fezayê paşê dakeve ser heyvê. Piştî daketineke dijwar, sê endamên ekîban ji keştiya fezayê derdikevin da ku li herêmê li ser heyvê bigerin. Di heman demê de gava ku ew koloniyek hingiv a hin mexlûqên nenas kifş dikin, komputera keştiyê peyamê deşîfre dike ku bibe hişyariyek, ne banga tengahiyê. Dema ku yek ji hêkan teng dibe, ekîb fam dike ku ew li keştiya fezayê ne bi tenê ne û divê ew bi encaman re mijûl bibin. Li fezayê, kes nikare qîrîna te bibihîze.

And back into English: 

In the distant future, the crew of the commercial spaceship Nostromo are on their way home when they receive a distress call from a distant moon. The crew has to investigate and the spacecraft will then land on the moon. After a rough landing, three crew members leave the spaceship to explore the area on the moon. Also when they discover a bee colony of some unknown creature, the ship's computer decodes the message to be a warning, not a distress call. When one of the eggs goes awry, the crew realizes they are not alone on the spaceship and must deal with the consequences. In space, no one can hear you scream.

Looks darn good! What if we try it in Chinese with a slightly lesser known work, say the description of my book, Larry and the Mascots?

When Larry gets thrown from the roof of his dormitory, little does he realize that his troubles are just beginning. Surviving this encounter due to the help of an advertising character—Whitewall, a pitchman for tires who is actually made of tires—Larry discovers that a group of advertising mascots have come to life. There’s Mitts, a flying oven mitt; Captain Freshy, a homicidal pirate who sells canned tuna; Sweety the Sugar Fairy, who glazes children’s cereal; Mushy MacClown, a sad clown on packages of marshmallows; and others—some of whom are up to something sinister. Who are they? What do they want? And why did one of them steal his crummy laptop? What Larry discovers is a conspiracy that springs from the actions of one of the school’s greatest patrons—one that ultimately threatens the lives of the students on campus, and perhaps even the entire nation. Larry and the Mascots is an intriguing adventure, full of action, heart, interesting characters, and cartoon characters, and is part of a complete breakfast.

We'll run it back and forth through the Chinese translation and then:

Little did he realize that his troubles had only just begun when Larry was thrown from the dormitory roof. Surviving with the help of advertising character Whitewall, a salesman for tires that are actually made of tires, Larry discovers a group of advertising mascots have come to life. There are gloves, flying oven mitts; Captain Freshy, a murderous pirate who sells canned tuna; Sugar Fairy Sweetheart glazed on children's cereal; Mushy MacClown, the sad clown on marshmallow wrappers; and others -- some of whom are making some sinister things. who are they? What do they want? Why did one of them steal his tattered laptop? The conspiracy uncovered by Larry stems from the actions of one of the school's biggest patrons -- ultimately threatening the lives of students on campus, and possibly an entire nation. Larry and the Mascot is a fun adventure full of action, heart, funny characters and cartoon characters that is part of a complete breakfast.

I mean, it's not awful. A little confusing, but roughly understandable. "Tattered laptop" is amusing. But a far cry from that Hong Kong description of Alien.

So what have we learned? That Google Translate has gotten scary good, and that movie pirates ought to use it rather than rely on their cousin who claims he speaks English unto like native total.