Friday, November 10, 2017

Today on FredTV.


5:00 AM
Our Daily Fred
(religion) Pastor Fred leads the congregation in prayer that the network survives the week.

5:30 AM
Where Angels Fear to Fred
(religion) Pastor Fred's homily on sin in the modern world, part 752.

6:00 AM
Fred & Breakfast
(cooking) Fred whips up an egg and canned peas omelet, burns some toast, and searches for the elusive "French-Canadian Bacon."

7:00 AM
Clifford the Big Fred Dog
(children) Even Clifford turns up his nose at the egg and canned peas omelet.

7:30 AM
Fredame Street
(children) Kids learn the letters F and U, the number 8, and that the toaster is not a toy.

8:00 AM
Black and White and Fred All Over
(news) Fred reads whatever comes over the wire.

8:30 AM
Fred, White, and Blue
(news) Fred's commentary on what's wrong with America, part 921.

9:00 AM
Fred and Board
(travel) Fred freeloads on his friends' sofas. This week: Mr. Philbin asks him to leave.

9:30 AM
My Fair Fredding
(style) Fred helps a bride get ready for her wedding, with helpful ideas (like buying his novels to give away as wedding favors).

10:00 AM
Freddy or Not
(talk) Fred and guests discuss current events, style, cooking, gossip. The late Ed McMahon cohosts via an old Parker Brothers Ouija board.

11:00 AM
Fredly Devotion
(true crime) Examination of how the mental problems of Fred and people like him lead to bad behavior. Starring members of Fred's family.

12:00 PM
Behind the Pick: Fred Zeppelin
(documentary) History of the rock band Fred Zeppelin, and why they never went anywhere. Lots of garage footage.

1:00 PM
Fred Green Tomatoes
(movie) Quirky stories from a small town where people occasionally go missing, but the food is gorgeous.

2:30 PM
John Fredda Presents
(infomercial) Stylist Fredda explains how his products give you naturally curly hair.

3:00 PM
Froedipus Rex
(movie) A charming story about a boy named Froed and his mom.

5:00 PM
Fredline
(news) Fred covers an important story of the day. Today: New Twinkies--good as the old Twinkies or what?

6:00 PM
Frederal Cases
(news) Overview of the news from Washington, D.C. More bitching about it from Fred.

7:00 PM
Better Off Fred
(comedy) Hijinks at the research facilities of 
FredLabs.

7:30 PM
Fred Like Me
(comedy) Georgia decides she doesn't like being called Fred anymore. The other members of the Fred club object. Hilarity ensues.

8:00PM
The Fredliest Catch
(documentary) Fred and several other guys named Fred go fishing. Catch nothin'.

9:00 PM
Justifred
(drama) Marshall Fred tames the modern West. It tames him right back.

10:00 PM
The Walking Fred
(action) Zombie Fred ravages the countryside until he gets his first cup of coffee.

11:00 PM
Fred Over Heels
(movie) Guy named Fred thinks a girl is really cute even though he thinks he saw her disembowel and eat the pizza delivery guy.

1:00 AM
Night of the Living Fred
(movie) Fred's wife gets him to leave the house for dinner and dancing for once in his life already. Horrible dancing ensues.

3:00 AM
Fredator
(movie) A monster from another planet terrorizes Jesse Ventura, Al Franken, and other prominent Minnesota creeps.

4:55 AM
The national anthem, test pattern, and fingers crossed we come back in a few minutes.

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