Thursday, June 22, 2017

Summer shopping!

Summer's here! It's the first full day of summer!

And the summer season, like the Christmas season, is a good time for shopping!

Let's see what summer stuff is available at the local supermarket.

First off, we want to taste summer -- all the best produce the earth can offer is in the produce section! Who cares? We want portable, clean, shelf-ready snacks, like Annie's Homegrown Organic Bunny Summer Strawberry Fruit Snacks.

They're organic, so it's virtually identical to real food. Just not as messy. Seriously, you can't just walk about with raw strawberries in your hand. People will talk.

Now for the entrée -- and that means meat!

Sausage you have to cook is great, but sausage that you can just whip out and gnaw on is better. And Hillshire Farm is there, with the Yard-O-Beef Summer Sausage. Now, maybe this too will cause people to talk, if you just go around waving your Yard-O-Beef in the air, but you know what? There's no law against it. It's summertime! Knock yourself out. (But please: No Ecky-Thump.)

Now that we've had a taste of summer, let's get the scent, with our old friends at Airwick:

Ah. Airwick Life Scents Summer Delights. Smells like... I have no idea, actually. Melted ice pops? Suntan lotion? Coney Island? Lawn mower oil? The Lexington Avenue/59th Street station express platform in August? Oh, God, I hope not that. But those are all Scents from my Life, Delightful or not. No, it's probably floral stuff. Okay, that's fine. But summer isn't always flowers and soft breezes. Sometimes it rains....

Fab Ultra Summer Rain gets rid of the Ultra Summer Mud in your life! I'm not actually sure what this is supposed to smell like either. Water? Ozone? It could go several ways. They may be thinking of laundry, which is wet. But that end is also covered by...

Little Tree Summer Linen scent! The smell of humid laundry! Why should your clothes and house have all the summer smells, when your car can too? In fact, why shouldn't you have it on your personal person as well? Here's one for the kiddies:

Tom's of Maine Wicked Cool! Deodorant for Girls in Summer Fun scent. Which is... cotton candy? Drama at the beach house? Oh, who knows. Tom's is very natural-minded, of course, even though the company was bought by Colgate in 2006. But you'd think they'd be concerned about gender assumptions, with girls' scents and boys' scents. Then again, isn't the whole point of gender fluidity the desire to assume the gender you feel? In other words, boys who want to be girls don't want to use Non-Gender Scent, they want Girls' Scent.

Although this might be a summer bridge too far:

And I suppose that's as good a place as any to end our expedition to the supermarket. Enjoy your summer!

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