Monday, June 5, 2017

President W. Woman?

As a recovering geek, I'm glad to hear that the new Wonder Woman movie is doing well. I have nothing against the character, and she has some really neat gadgets. My only concern was that critics would like the film because they would feel obliged to since it was the first big-budget female superhero picture, and that doesn't seem to be the case, at least with serious critics.

Of course, Wonder Woman was a national icon (they seem to have completely de-Americanized her now), so every time she breaks out of comics and into the larger media world, grrl-power ideas come out of the woodwork. Refinery29, for example, makes a feint at calling for Wonder Woman for president.

In your satin tights / fighting for your rights /
and the old red white and bluuuuuuue

Which is completely silly. First of all, putting political concerns on the shoulders of a fictional hero is like asking a marshmallow to carry a cinder block -- you'll get nowhere. Second, Wonder Woman was not born in the United States and is not eligible for the presidency.

Some other characters might seem attractive as presidential material. Superman, for one. He's got boundless energy and he can solve a lot of problems himself. Defense spending too low? No problem; he's worth half the air force alone. What, a man sworn to protect the Constitution is not going to pitch in if the country is attacked?

Alas, Superman is also not eligible, as he was not even born on this planet. Even though for a few days in a very weird 1969 issue of Action Comics, he had amnesia and thought he was the president.

Who else do we have? On the Marvel side, Iron Man Tony Stark is a drunk, Spider-Man would be overwhelmed by the job, Thor is an alien (not just because he's Scandinavian), and even Captain America has been compromised by the Hydra thing. The Hulk may be Incredible, but he seems to have some temperamental issues that have been problematic with other presidents. Plus he'd break all the china.

"Transportation bill contain poison pill amendment! HULK SMASH!"

On the indy side, Mutton Man, is, of course, still dead.

Who does that leave among the remaining characters? President Batman, of course.

Bruce Wayne was born wealthy but became really rich with his business acumen, and still has time to go adventuring all over the place and beating the crap out of evildoers. Doesn't that sound like he's made of presidential timber? He's a loner, true, but he's also worked with others very successfully in the past. (Richard Grayson would be his running mate, of course -- they have a history of successful collaboration.) We could cut the spending on defense by having really amazing weapons wielded by far more special ops guys -- even if we didn't want to kill our enemies they might find themselves tied up in clown suits in public places, just to send a message: We can get to you whenever we want.

Domestically Wayne might be more troublesome, as his respect for the law is not always what others might hope it would be. But most likely, if he was spying on U.S. citizens, we'd never find out.

A redesign for the Oval Office would probably be in order.

Really, no comic book hero would make a good president, mainly because they don't really exist. Anyhow, these days you never see any superheroes that demonstrate belief in truth, justice, and the old red white and blue.

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