Friday, March 3, 2017

Operate on your pet.

You may have heard, as it was in all the papers, that we own the Sheddingest Dogs in the World™. The product below was recommended to us for good grooming -- really, for at-home grooming between professional grooming appointments. It looks like an implement of torture, but it's actually a Dele grooming brush

Dele, whose slogan is "Care Your Pets," makes a lot of scary products in friendly colors, which I'm sure are all safe for animals. However, the instructions make me more, not less, nervous.

"remove from up to down several times"

"Follow the rule. remove the hair smoothly."

"Control your strength when operate on your pet."


"Well affect on the hairy pets."

Well... good.

Clearly, the translation leaves a good deal to be desired, but their English is much better than my Chinese ever will be. I can get the gist. The problem is those hooks at the end -- just looks like something made to flay someone, the kind of thing the CIA uses on people in Hollywood propaganda movies when Republicans are in the White House.

So, now I'm wondering if I want to even use this, or any of the other awful looking tools made to groom your dogs. I'd try it on myself first to see what it feels like -- no animal testing in this house! -- but it says "Do not use for other purpose except for pets." You're on your own, kids.

But really, what do my dogs have to look that good for? It's not like they'll be discovered by dog modeling agents out here in the 'burbs. They've had their operations, so they're not going to go poochie smooching. And they don't really need to look good for their friends.
Those guys are slobs.

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