Saturday, May 21, 2016

Hungry? Xtremely hungry?

If you're hungry, and you think a candy bar is what you need rather than, like, kale, allow me to recommend one that might actually get the job done:


I first thought that the Snickers Xtreme was a new product, as it's not mentioned on the Snickers Web site. But then it turned out that it premiered in 2014. Someone's been holding out on me.

One of the interesting things about the bar is that there is no nougat; instead, the extra-thick bar just has more chocolate, peanuts, and caramel. I wondered if this had replaced the Snickers Marathon bar, which tried to be more like a protein supplement for your active lifestyle. (They have apparently since dropped the Snickers from the name.) But Wikipedia claims that Mars discontinued the Snickers Xtreme bar in 2009. Now, I am certain this candy bar was not seven years old, so Wikipedia, get off the stick!

As I say, the bar is extra thick. You see that the label says there are "2 to Go," meaning that it is actually two bars inside the wrapper. They say you can eat one now and twist the wrapper to save the other for later. They obviously don't know me very well.

I ate this after doing a lot of yard work, hours of labor in the sun, and I have to say it kept me going until dinner. I really wasn't hungry for a long time.

Now, we know that eating candy bars as a meal is not a good idea. I agree. However, anyone who has seen Mean Girls knows that protein bars are essentially candy bars. So why not just cut to the candy? Hershey's famously made combat candy for World War II, designed to survive really extreme conditions, in order to give servicemen a fast energy source in the field. It wasn't meant as a treat to make friends with Dondi. It helped keep our guys alive.

So I say Hooray, Mars! You got me through the Battle of the Lawn and kept me going through my shower. May I suggest a Snickers Xtreme Geriatric version for those of us that are no longer kids? Each bar would contain the equivalent of three Advils.
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