I drink a lot of Coke Zero, probably way too much. (Yes, I eat candy and drink diet soda. I would rather spend my calories on something that actually could be filling.) (Don't be so judgy, Judgy McJudgeface.)
Anyway, I drink so much Coke Zero that I get Coke stuff, like these fabu sunglasses:
The fact is, I broke my Foster Grants, and I've been using my polarized safety glasses all winter for sunglasses while driving. Every time I would think "I need to get some new sunglasses" I was in the car; every time I was in a store that sold sunglasses I was not thinking of buying sunglasses. So when I saw Coke had this big red pair, red being Coke's signature color, I cashed in some reward points. I didn't care how ugly they might be, as long as they were good for driving.
The problem is, it's baseball season now, and so they're uglier than I thought:
That's right: While wearing my orange-billed Mets cap and my red Coke sunglasses, I clash with myself.
How bad do I clash with myself?
Low-riders with 15-inch subwoofers pull up beside me and ask me to keep it down.
That's how bad.
Coke is probably laughing. After all, Coca-Cola operates out of Atlanta, where Ted Turner's Wicked Braves loaf around in their Wicked Red, Blue, and White uniforms. All the guys on the team probably get free Coke sunglasses, which match their outfits.
But the last laugh may be on Coke. After many years of Pepsi's MLB dominance, Coke is trying desperately to take over the game. The old Shea Stadium was a Pepsi stronghold for years -- the picnic area beyond the outfield fence was the Pepsi Picnic Area, perfect for group events. But as of 2016, Coke is the official soft drink at Citi Field.
Now, I'm not saying Coke should consider changing its colors from red and white to orange and blue. I just think that they need to be more broadminded in their color dedication. And wouldn't those little green bottles look great with an orange or blue label?
I'll be waiting for my blue sunglasses, Coke. You have my address.