Sunday, April 17, 2016

Worse pants.

Last December I wrote about the fantastic lounge pants I got for Christmas, the Bat Pants!

They kicked the crap out of my Superman pants.
As I mentioned at the time, my wife, who gave me the Bat Trousers, refused to let me wear them outside unless it was pitch-black. Which is appropriate for Batman, I guess. But she didn't see them as appropriate, she saw them as embarrassing.

And yet she bought them for me. What does that say?

Well, having a look around at men's clothing on Amazon, I found a far, far worse pair:

Yes, emoji pants! And yes, they were in the men's department!

Those are some bad pants.

My first thought was that these couldn't be intended for men, but indeed they are. My second was to wonder if the well-known poop emoji was featured on the butt side.

Apparently it isn't. But for those obsessed with the little poop guy, there's always the leggings:

The culture degenerates in three sections:

1) Some guy has an idea for a product that degenerates the culture (say, Batman pants for adult men);

2) People like the product but have too much respectability to use it in public;

3) Some other guy, wanting attention, comes out with product #2 (emoji pants), which is much worse than product #1;

4) People see product #2 and think that product #1 was practically a tuxedo by comparison, and start using it in public;

5) A third guy now wants attention and comes out with product #3 (emoji poop pants)....

And the next thing you know we have cursing on basic cable, schools that are run only to protect union members, companies fleeing the nation, colleges terrorized by screaming campus garbage babies, rampant opiate abuse, horrible idiots and felons as presidential candidates. federal courts that emoji on the Constitution, and a Mad Max movie winning the most Oscars. Where does it all end?

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