Monday, December 14, 2015


Yesterday was a big baking day around these parts, or as the dog likes to think of it, the day people spend much too much time working on food that is not particularly interesting to him. Meanwhile, I'm getting delirious from the amount of sugar floating around. In fact, I started to see visions of sugar, really the whole sugar family... the Sugar Family gathering for Christmas....

Confectioners Sugar: The super-sweet girl of the family, C.S. is a bit of a flake, something of an airhead, but everyone likes her. Doesn't always mix in, but pops up everywhere.

Raw Sugar: Raw annoyed everyone with her declaration that she was now a vegan. She's still kind to her family, though, even when combative, and at the end of the day she's one of them.

Molasses: Granny's gotten somewhat slow and bitter in her old age. Her age-old wisdom is hard to beat, even if she's not everyone's cup of tea.

High-Fructose Corn Syrup: The black sheep of the family, H.F. is the kid that causes nothing but trouble. Really gets around; he's into everything. Gets blamed for things that aren't even his fault.

Aspartame: Everything that doesn't get blamed on H.F. gets blamed on Aspartame. He used to be famous, beloved, a celebrity even, but there was that scandal and then the other thing, and while he may snap with anger and say nothing was ever proven, people just shake their heads.

Agave Nectar: Duuuude! Agave is a second cousin but always good to see... in small doses. He always tells you he's super healthy, but no one quite believes it. Plus he seems to spend a lot of time with his pals Tequila, Peyote, and Mezcal. Hmm...

Honey: Honey is always buzzing with activity, which is surprising to those who expect her to be a slowpoke or a dumb blonde. Has a lot of interests---clover, orange blossom, sage, alfalfa---but some folks see it as just dull ol' plants.

Stevia: Bubbly and energetic, Stevia always comes across great! and awesome! and excellent! Everyone feels they should like Stevia, but no one actually does.

Xylitol: Total nerd. Quite helpful, but gets little respect. That's okay. Xylitol is too focused on his work to care.

Maple Syrup: Classic country cousin, Maple is a friendly sort, a slow talker with peaceful ways. Some treat him like a bit of a sap, but he's solid at heart.

Sucralose: The aunt that's always taking up one health craze after another, Sucralose is undeniably easy on the eyes (which earns a lot of muttering about "Well, if I didn't have to raise a these kids" and "Wait till she's older" from the other ladies).

Granulated Sugar: Mom's the workhorse of the family, and is seldom appreciated these days, but if it weren't for her, life wouldn't be nearly so sweet. Frumpy? Maybe a little. But they all come home to Granulated Sugar. Hats off to you, Mama!

You gotta love her. 

1 comment:

Stiiv said...

Then there was Cyclamate, the black sheep of the family who everyone else was forbidden to talk to. It seems he was accused of causing cancer after it was discovered that injecting a pound of him into a lab rat caused cancer. I think injecting a huge amount of anything into a rat would cause cancer.