Wise guy.

Lately it seems like everyone wants my opinion. Everyone wants a piece of Fred. They finally realize that my lifetime of experience has given me wisdom desirable to all. Some old timers complain that by the time they know everything no one wants to hear it, but clearly that's not the case for me.

The first call came from Buffalo. Not an actual buffalo. They don't know about my smartiness. No, my phone said it was a call from the city of Buffalo, a town I've been to a few times. I was glad that they finally realized that they needed some Freddin'.

"Hi."

"Hello, sir, I am calling from the New York State Department of Health and we are conducting a survey of New York residents ages 18 and older. Have I reached a cellular phone number?"

"Yes."

"Are you driving a vehicle right now?"

"Yes. I'd better hang up." So I did and sat back on the sofa. You can't just dish out the wisdom to everyone.

The very next day I got a call from Syracuse. I hoped that they might have something more interesting to ask me about. "You're on, Syracuse!" I said. "Go!"

"Hello, sir, I am calling from a survey company that is speaking with residents of New York State about their energy usage. Am I speaking to a head of the household or someone who makes decisions about the use of energy in your home?"

"No, sorry, I have a wife. Thank you for calling."

So you see, I was unable to share the wisdom, but not because I was lacking smarts, but because people ask me the wrong questions. As soon as these people get their act together, I'll be happy to help out.