Saturday, October 11, 2014

Butchery and s'mores.

One of the great things about camping, as viewed from the sporting goods section of Walmart at least, is the confluence of (A) the sheer man-vs.-nature kill-or-be-killed tooth-and-claw struggle for survival and (B) s'mores.

On the right you have a machete and a giant Bear Grylls murder knife; on the left, a s'mores grill and a long BBQ fork for your wienie roast. Because God forbid you should use a stick.

That's the thing about camping: it means totally different things to different people. For some it means parachuting into the deepest wilderness with only a Swiss Army knife and a roll of floss; for others, it means packing up an RV larger than their home and parking in a spot with every conceivable hookup, including WiFi and cable. For me, it means staying home and watching National Geographic network until I have to lie down.

(Actually, for Eddie "Bear" Grylls it also may mean that, at least according to one controversy.)

I've never watched Discovery's Naked and Afraid, but I'm told that people who sign on for the show frequently have to be evacuated for medical attention following exposure, illness, or eating things that have been dead a bit too long.

All of which is why, despite its many flaws, I'm a big fan of civilization. (In your FACE, Rousseau.) I'm voting we keep civilization going for a while. I don't think many of us would last long without it. As for the preppers awaiting doomsday, should that fateful day arrive I doubt they'll be able to kill enough of the rest of us to hold on to all their stores until---well, whatever their endgame is. Until civilization arises anew? Until everyone else is dead? Until they die of natural causes?

I'm going to have a little faith in civilization and lean toward the s'mores side rather than the machete side. Although you never know when a machete could come in handy. You might have to fight off Bear Grylls when he's trying to use all the ice in the ice machine to fill his cooler. Back, you heathen bastard! Don't you see the sign? No filling of coolers!

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