I know you think I'm just an editor and writer, spending my days cramped over the computer, pounding out words and nursing phrases to health. Boring, right? Well, that's not the whole story, my friends! Unbeknownst to you, your friend Fred is also a paleontologist and an archeologist! I just do it for laughs; there's not usually a lot of money in that stuff. It's why Indiana Jones had the same hat for fifty years.
But who cares? It's the science and the history that concern us! And that is why I am excited to share with you my latest finding, one that will rock the foundations of academia and change forever the way we think of dinosaurs and prehistoric man!
You see, it has been a longstanding prejudice by the scientific community that dinosaurs died out 63 million years before the appearance of the first humans. They point to stories like those of famed caveperson Alley Oop, who had a pet dinosaur, as being silly, ahistorical, unscientific.
Well, I say: Nuts to that! Because I have discovered proof that humans and dinosaurs coexisted. I present to you this cave drawing that I found following extensive and exhaustive research. And digging. Oh, so much digging. My achin' back! But it was worth it.
Clearly, what we have here is an example of a giant spike-boned dinosaur, similar to Alley Oop's Dinny, as rendered by our primitive ancestors. I submit that this vivid and detailed cave depiction is of the Kentrosaurus genus (Kentrosaurus meaning prickle lizard), which was said to have died out with the late Jurassic. Late Jurassic! As you can see, that's just silly talk.
Obviously the artist had seen one of these magnificent beasts sometime in the paleolithic era. But this stegosaur appears to have a much larger head than most known dinos of its type, a head more suited for carnivorous rather than herbivorous habits. I confess my identification of the animal as a Kentrosaurus involves some guesswork. But it is prickly and it is a lizard, and I've known a number of people that fit that description, so let's call it educated guesswork.
Assuming this is a discovery of a new and unknown species, I humbly suggest the name Kentrosaurus Flinstonica for it, a tribute to that modern stone-age family who demonstrated peaceful coexistence with dinosaurs in legends passed down to us.
But where did I find this amazing work of art? I'm afraid I will have to keep that my secret, at least unless the Journal of Old Stuff publishes my paper and pays me handsomely. And even then it may not be possible for others to investigate the find personally. It's been rather rainy, and I'm afraid it may be washed away.
Be glad I have preserved the image for science. You're welcome!
This has to be the most bizarre thing I've ever seen used as an inspirational quote online.
At first this seems like just another Yeah, yeah, think big and be big -- I heard that from Fred Flintstone. But it got worse the more I thought about it.
First of all, there's no proof that this quote comes from Machiavelli, although Forbes notes that it's often attributed to him. I looked through Bartlett's and the Oxford quotation book and checked in with Quote Investigator and all of Machiavelli's works on Project Gutenberg but had no luck finding it attributed to him or anyone else. Granted, Machiavelli wrote in Italian, and that makes it harder to track down an English translation. But my search under subject words as well as authors convinced me that whoever said this first, it was probably not everyone's favorite Italian diplomat.
Second, do we really want to draw spiritual growth from a man like Niccolo Machiavelli? He wasn't exactly writing Chicken Soup for the Soul. His most famous book, The Prince, was the birth of Realpolitik as we know it -- basically, how to shiv the right people at the right time for coldblooded profit. The Rules for Radicals of its day. For example, he tells this inspiring tale of Old Syracuse:
Agathocles, the Sicilian, became King of Syracuse not only from a private but from a low and abject position. This man, the son of a potter, through all the changes in his fortunes always led an infamous life. Nevertheless, he accompanied his infamies with so much ability of mind and body that, having devoted himself to the military profession, he rose through its ranks to be Praetor of Syracuse. Being established in that position, and having deliberately resolved to make himself prince and to seize by violence, without obligation to others, that which had been conceded to him by assent, he came to an understanding for this purpose with Amilcar, the Carthaginian, who, with his army, was fighting in Sicily. One morning he assembled the people and the senate of Syracuse, as if he had to discuss with them things relating to the Republic, and at a given signal the soldiers killed all the senators and the richest of the people; these dead, he seized and held the princedom of that city without any civil commotion.
Mind you, he's not telling us about Agathocles in the hope that we will emulate him (unlike Radicals author Saul Alinsky, whose book is a how-to guide). Niccolo just wants to tell us the practical problems facing one who usurps power by force.
Hence it is to be remarked that, in seizing a state, the usurper ought to examine closely into all those injuries which it is necessary for him to inflict, and to do them all at one stroke so as not to have to repeat them daily; and thus by not unsettling men he will be able to reassure them, and win them to himself by benefits. He who does otherwise, either from timidity or evil advice, is always compelled to keep the knife in his hand; neither can he rely on his subjects, nor can they attach themselves to him, owing to their continued and repeated wrongs. For injuries ought to be done all at one time, so that, being tasted less, they offend less; benefits ought to be given little by little, so that the flavour of them may last longer.
So kill everyone who might oppose you all at once and start raiding the treasury over time to make new friends. There's a big plan for you. Small plans don't stir the soul!
Whether Niccolo could be considered a force for evil or just a "straight shooter, telling it like it is," may be argued. Nowadays it would be the latter, but in the past there was no question that he was a bad man.
Older readers, or readers of older works, might recall that one of the names for the devil is Old Nick. And writers like Samuel Butler in his satirical poem Hudibrasmade the connection clear:
Nick Machiavel had ne'er a trick,
Though he gave his name to our Old Nick.
The devil had a big plan too, as I recall.
So I just found it astonishing that inspirational memes for yoga moms would include a quote from a man historically considered a tricky bastard in the non-birth sense of the world. Then again, if you've ever had to deal with yoga moms in a homeowners' association, maybe you'd think it's not really such a reach.
I think I've finally figured out how I can best get rich make a contribution to improve the lives of others. Yes, I've decided to enter the world of decentralized digital currency. I am issuing my own version of Bitcoin, called Fredcoin, and you, my friends, can get in on the ground floor.
Now, I expect you may have some questions. Like:
1) Do you know what you're doing? No, but that's the beauty of digital currency; I don't have to know! People can mine for Fredcoin all day long, and trade their Fredcoins for all sorts of things like... more Fredcoins! Basically it's like Minecraft, except unlike digital currency, users expect a base level of competency with Minecraft. If the Minecraft guys lost the password to the game and locked everyone out, that would be bad. You can't get away with that kind of foolishness when fun is on the line, but money? Sure, why not.
2) Isn't Fredcoin a silly name? Yep, but so are the names of other cryptocurrencies like Dogecoin, Titcoin, Ripple, Shiba Inu, and LGBcoin. Speaking of the last, a shoutout to Brandon Brown: If the LGBcoin deal falls through, give me a call!
3) Do I get actual Fred-embossed coins with Fredcoin? No, you get something better! With every purchase you get a personally signed e-mail from me with the date and number of your Fredcoins, as well as my thanks and a virtual pat on the back.
4) Is Fredcoin completely worthless? Of course not! Like everything in life, you have to put something into it to get something out. If you will send me $100 today, I will send you one Fredcoin. Bam! A Fredcoin is now worth $100. See how easy it is? If you decide to sell your Fredcoin, make sure you get no less than $100 for it. Insist on more. Then I and all the other Fredcoin owners make money.
5) Come on: Is this fiat currency or what? Yes, but so are American dollars. You just have to clap for Tinkerbell and everything will be fine. (Maybe I should have called it Tinkercoin.)
6) Is this legal? Good question!
I have high hopes for Fredcoin, hopes that include you, my friend. Send in your dough today and let's get started. As the great Barney Rubble once said, "When people get used to my money, they won't accept any other." If it worked in the Stone Age, it can work in the Digital Age!
During my medical sojourn last week, I found that you can learn things from the TV the hospital provides to help pass the time. Mainly, you can learn that daytime TV is an irritating way to pass the time. Still, I had nothing to read and no juice on the cell phone until my wife brought me books and a charger, so it was more engaging than looking out the window.
I can't say I wasn't warned. A friend of mine was undergoing cancer treatments last year, and while he was able to stay at home through most of it, he was unable to do anything beyond watch the tube. I believe he said he had memorized episodes of Bonanza and The Twilight Zone and that Wilma Flintstone was starting to look good to him.
Thankfully, I only had a couple of days to deal with it, from Sunday afternoon through Tuesday evening. I can see how it would make you crazy. Even the all-news channels, or maybe especially those; the constant chewing of the same Bone Du Jour is insane. Apparently there was nothing much in the world of note last Monday except for the Roger Stone sentencing, because all the news channels were on it constantly.
Ah, but the cable TV provided by the hospital had soothing channels, with calming music and video clips from nature. Well, the most educational thing about that was that I couldn't stick with them very long. You'd think a guy in pain, who'd just been through a major pain crisis, would want nothing else on but that channel and the back of his eyelids, but no. No wonder I suck at meditation.
So what did I like?
Well, as I alluded to yesterday, I watched America's Funniest Home Videos on Sunday night. What made that educational was how my attitudes had changed toward people falling during the previous 24 hours. You just fell down the stairs! Go get an X-ray! You have no idea how this can come back to haunt you, you fool! My previous reaction to people falling on AFV was the more lizard-brained Ha ha him fall funny.
On Monday there was a Catholic priest in the little chapel downstairs, and I was able to watch Mass on CCTV. I liked that, although the sound quality was pretty bad.
I picked up a tidbit on the History channel, one that had nothing to do with Ancient Aliens. It was a neat little documentary on Air Force One that the channel ran on Presidents Day. I knew some of the history of the planes assigned that name, but amid the data was this: the name of the country painted on the plane's exterior is meant to simulate the typeface used for the name of the country as it was seen -- for the first time -- on the Declaration of Independence.
Cool.
Other things I leaned came from watching most of Return of the Jedi, which I have not seen in a very long time. And those things were numerous. They include:
The movie begins with the worst rescue plan I have ever seen in the movies. I can't even tell what they were trying to accomplish, sending people into Hutt's Hut in dribs. To infiltrate and then take over at a signal? Obviously not, since everything went to hell immediately. It made no sense at all. If R2 didn't have enough space to hide a lightsaber in his chassis, the galaxy would have been screwed. Even then a lot of dumb luck was required. Almost any other plan would have been better.
Mark Hamill was a pretty bad actor. I don't know if he got any better. I haven't the new trilogy and I don't care. But Harrison Ford was pretty bad, too. He looks stoned through the scene where we learn the plan to attack the new Death Star and he is revealed to now be General Solo. If 1970s Steve Martin had been cast as Comic Relief Solo, and played the part the exact same way, people would have thought it was a hilarious spoof.
Retroactively speaking, I hear that Leia was supposed to do all kinds of Force stuff late in the third trilogy. This makes perfect sense, as she's revealed to be a Skywalker. And yet, although Darth and Luke can sense each other's Forceishness in real time across space, neither of them had any idea that the Force would be strong with that princess, too. Was this addressed?
Anyway, by the time we got to the Ewoks, I was about to be whisked out of the room for injections. Some people loathe the little Space Teddy Bears, but at least for those pre-CGI days, they were pretty convincing.
I also saw enough (ten minutes) of Matt Damon's The Great Wall to realize that, whatever faults the Star Wars series might have, if you put them all together in a bag they might still weigh less than the faults in The Great Wall. What a waste of Willem DaFoe.
All of this hard-won knowledge would have been avoided if i'd had more than an 8% charge on my phone.
Maybe I should have spent more time staring out the window. Sure, it's a modern, dull building, and it looks drab and tired although it opened in 2011, and February is not much to look at -- but at least the skies were blue.
Question: Did someone determine that tan and brown are great healing colors? Because that's the sum of the whole color palette in this place. Does it help keep people relaxed and compliant?
Discovery Communications, New York City, October 11, 2019 -- The HGTV cable network enjoyed amazing success last month with its special series, A Very Brady Renovation, in which members of the original cast of The Brady Bunch TV show helped turn the actual house that was used for exterior shots on the original 1969-1974 series into a duplicate inside of the television show's sets. Now, in our next series, HGTV uses its massive resources and limitless talent to take on an even tougher challenge: A Very Flintstone Renovation-rock!
Drew Scott of The Property Brothers made the announcement this morning at a press conference at Discovery offices in Manhattan. "There's no more iconic TV sitcom home than the one inhabited by the titular family of The Flintstones, in the town of Bedrock," he said, referring to the 1960-1966 series. "To have the opportunity to renovate this home with the rest of the HGTV family of designers is a dream come true."
"It's a wonderful project, but it has some serious challenges," said Mina Starsiak of the show Good Bones. "For one, everything in it is made of rock, except the front door. Stonework is especially expensive and difficult to install. For another, none of the appliances run on electricity; many are animal-powered or just seem to work on nothing at all. How we're going to handle that is an amazing story itself!"
Lara Spencer, star of Flea Market Flip, added, "Saber-tooth tiger lampshades and leopard curtains may be tricky. But bird record-players and can openers, mammoth showers and vacuum cleaners -- we're not just looking to match knickknacks this time!"
Matt James, former host of one of our many failed yard-based shows, added, "The Flintstone landscaping is a real nightmare. After all, prehistoric plants in strange colors are not just available down at the local garden store! We realllllly have to reach on that one! We called exotic florists, university biologists, Steven Spielberg, everyone. It was incredible!"
Jonathan Scott, the brother who does all the actual work on The Property Brothers, also noted some unusual difficulties in dealing with a cartoon house. "To make it match the interior on the television show, we needed to be able to run through the house and pass the same background objects over and over again. Well, the house appears to be no more than forty feet deep, but we'd have to be able to run for at least five hundred yards."
Scott laughed and added, "I guess back in the sixties, they just didn't worry about these things."
In a crossover episode of the Discovery Channel's hit series Fast 'n Loud, host Richard Rawlings will attempt to build the Flintstone family car and make it run without the courtesy of Fred's two feet.
As with the Brady house renovation, the producers had hoped that the original cast members would be able to participate in the renovation. Sadly, they are all dead, having passed away in the paleolithic age or something. It turned out there are surviving cast members from the 1971 Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show, but nobody likes that cartoon. There were two live-action Flintstones movies, released in 1994 and 2000, but that might mean working with Rosie O'Donnell, and no one wanted to take that chance.
"We don't want any unpleasantness," said HGTV president Jane Latman, "We want this to be a yabba-dabba-doo time. In fact, a dabba-doo time."
"We'll have a gay old time!" added My Lottery Dream Home's David Bromstad.
"It's a really tough reno," said Steve Ford of Restored by the Fords, speaking to reporters afterward, "but I promise you one thing -- when we're done, that cat will stay out for the night!"
Adjunct Professional connection, so you're stuck together
Clubber
Okay if you're in the Drones with Bertie Wooster; otherwise barely above
Adjunct
Well-wisher
Friendly person who doesn't really do anything for you
Connection
Does something for you but is not friendly
Abettor
Does something with you that is not friendly
Associate
Does something with you, but there's no warmth
Colleague
An Associate with warmth
Peer
Someone you're really eye-to-eye with, except maybe in England
Fellow
A guy you know and like who is on your level; now we're getting somewhere
Ally
A Fellow that you can count on
Compatriot
A closer Ally; less likely to stab you in the back
Collaborator
Even less likely to stab you in the back, lest you both go to the big house
Confederate
Unity of vision leads to greater loyalty
Companion
Someone you can endure traveling with
Crony
Someone you can endure swiping money with
Accomplice
Someone you could endure going to jail with
Teammate
Pulling the oars for the same boat, but he could suck at it
Partner
Pulling oars in the same two-man boat, so he'd better not suck at it (TV cops
would rank this higher)
Cohort
People see you together, they know you're up to something
Comrade
People see you together, they think "Molatov cocktails"
Pal
Someone you actually like
Mate
Someone you like even more, at least in Australia
Homeboy
Guy from the 'hood upon whom your favor rests
Crew
Guy from the 'hood whom you trust
Pard
Guy from the ranch whom you trust
Confidante
Guy you really trust but may not like so much
Brother from another mother A good guy, but one who seems a little phony
Wingman
Guy you can't do with out, until a girl comes between you; think the "Road
to" movies
Chum
A good guy, period
Amigo
A good, fun guy
Stalwart
Someone who would go to jail for you
Buddy
Someone you would go to jail for
Blood brother
Someone you have bled for
Friend
Top of the heap; someone you would bleed out for
Not on list:
Supporter (too subservient); Disciple (too subservient; too
biblical); Helper (too subservient; too blah), Entourage (too subservient; too
showbiz---and there's no actual friends in showbiz).
So here we are, 2016, and all the clams we can eat. What are your New Year's Resolutions?
Really? Is that right! You don't say! Well, well.
As for me, I've decided to look for a new role model for this year. Someone for whom I have great admiration. Someone we can all look up to and learn from. Someone famous, and yet someone familiar. Someone named Fred. Of course, I refer to:
Fred Flintstone? The cartoon character?
Yes, my imaginary objector, Fred Flintstone. Sure, he may not seem like much of a role model---loudmouthed, temperamental, fat, stuck in the stone age, etc. But I say his virtues far outweigh his defects. Here are my 10 reasons why Fred Flintstone is an excellent example to me and others:
1) He's a family man.
Fred is capable of noticing other women, and has been in the company of some fabulous ones, from the dangerous Madame Yes to the star Ann-Margrock to all the ladies running for Miss Water Buffalo. But he is only interested in his wife, Wilma. She may get jealous from time to time, and he's been known to sneak out for bowling and other manly pursuits, but she knows his love runs deep.
2) He's ambitious.
Call them get-rich-quick schemes if you will, but Fred can't be faulted for thinking small. He's tried crazy inventions, contests, songwriting, short-order cooking, acting, auto racing---he's even been willing to appear on TV in drag to win Wilma's bake-off when she was ill. He tries going to college at night to improve himself and his job. His plans to make his fortune may go awry, but he never gets down for long.
3) He's good in an emergency.
Unlike other cartoon men, especially cartoon fathers, who are completely useless dodos in times of crisis, Fred does the right thing when the rock chips are down. Woman going into labor? Fred drives her to the hospital in a school bus. Alien invasion? Fred chases away the Fred duplicates and saves the day. When everything is going to hell, you want a man like Fred.
4) He's comfortable with himself.
Fred knows he's chubby and has a big mouth and doesn't care a bit, unless someone really puts the screws on him, some killjoy who loves to shame people for fun. When you get right down to it, Fred really likes himself and others, and greets the world with bonhomie, until the world spits in his face. Then he's not afraid to defend himself, either.
5) He has a good conscience.
When Fred does something wrong, Fred cannot live with himself. He tries, as when he takes credit for his pal Barney's heroics, but he can't, and has to make things right. When faced with the villainy of the Green Goose he wants to walk away, but finds that he must confront the danger whatever the consequences, lest his and everyone's children grow up in a world ruled by evil. When he and Barney accidentally join the army, they do not try to lie their way out, but see it through to the end. Ultimately, Fred is a man of his word.
6) He's a real man.
Fred's a strong man, a man who hauls rocks out of a quarry, a man who can work an honest day and bring home an honest day's pay. A man who enjoys manly pastimes, like golf and eating and practical jokes and hanging at the lodge and a good smoke. A man who can drag an entire team of high school boys over the goal line. But he has his all-too-human flaws. Despite his powerful conscience, Fred can lie, chisel, and talk about others behind their backs, but when he knows he's done wrong he makes amends. Fred's been through a lot, including a well-known addiction to gambling that has plagued him in Rock Vegas, caused him to lose his stuff to Arnold the hated paperboy, and even made him neglect his baby in a parking lot. Fred struggles to conquer his addiction, though, and is all the better for it.
7) He's loyal.
Fred will do what he must for those he loves. When he thinks Barney is counterfeiting money, does he let his pal get caught? No, he spends his own money to protect his friend. To make extra money for the baby Wilma is expecting, Fred works nights driving a cab. The people in Fred's life knows that he's true blue.
8) He can adapt to extraordinary circumstances.
Green aliens with superpowers, jewel thieves, amnesia, killers, doppelgangers of tycoons and kings and spies, filling in for Santa Claus, time travel---whatever life throws at Fred, he adjusts as best he can. He may complain, but he never says die.
9) He's talented.
Fred is often getting knocked for his lousy singing voice, and yet he finds success as pop singer Hi-Fye, and again as part of a group singing an advertising jingle. His singing fails to chase away the Swedish musicians staying in his house, so how bad could it be? Hey, he sung on stage with Ann-Margrock! And remember, he also started a national dance craze with the Flintstone Frantic. The guy is a natural!
10) He's cheerful.
Despite the overbearing nature of his boss, his mother-in-law, and virtually every salesman in Bedrock, despite all the adventures he is roped into against his will, despite his hard job and his occasional problems at home, despite any and all adversity, Fred cheerily greets quittin' time and all of life's other little victories with a hearty "Yabba Dabba DOO!"
In addition to all this, he's perfectly used to life in the stone age, which is where we'll all be if the enemies of America and Western civilization get their way.
The big galoot has always been our favorite dinosaur, and those grumpy old killjoy scientists -- probably the same ones that dissed Pluto -- have been saying for more than a century that there was no such animal. Just three years ago, the Smithsonian was patting us on the head, saying that, yes, your large cuddly friend is important culturally but was just a dinosaur fairy tale. Well, grumpy old killjoy scientists, sucks to be you! Because new evidence says that our big ol' lugosaurus is back, baby, and better than ever.
In fact, here are ten reasons why the return of the Bronto is excellent news.
1. The American Museum of Natural History in Manhattan always had two huge (literally) attractions for us kids on field trips: the life-size blue whale and the skeleton of the Brontosaurus. The latter was vast, it was bony, it was scary, and yet we were told it wouldn't have wanted to eat us if it were alive, preferring to eat the vegetables that we did not want to eat. We could have been pals with Brontosaurus. We were sorry he was dead. But man, was he big.
2. Of course we learned early on that dinosaurs and humans were not contemporaries, but The Flintstones showed us what life could have been like if we were. And if dinosaurs could sometimes talk and make wisecracks, and be domesticated. The Brontosaurus, of course, served as Fred Flintstone's earth mover; Fred slid down its back at quitting time. Then he got a pile of Bronto ribs that flipped over his car. Maybe the modern stone-age era would have been tough on our friend Brontosaurus, but we enjoyed seeing him interact with people.
4. Let's face it: Brontosaurus is an excellent, powerful word. And it's almost better in the English translation: Thunder Lizard. I'm thinking of getting people to call me Thunder Lizard Key. But I'd probably have to get some tattoos.
5. We all remember that the dinosaur mentioned in the Monty Python sketch with John Cleese as Anne Elk was a Brontosaurus. And now we know her theory was right!
6. We know that science is not a popularity contest (in theory, anyway; if Galileo hadn't been a jerk he would have stayed out of trouble), but that doesn't mean scientists should be snotty. The more popular Brontosaurus became, the more the professionals hated him. And that just made us love him all the more. Who's laughing now, hmm?
7. We always saw Brontosaurus as the good brother to Tyrannosaurus Rex's bad brother; the Abel to his Cain; the Edwin to his John Wilkes; the Gallant to his Goofus. It might be fun to pretend to be Rex, roaring and stomping, but we knew he would eat us like a bag of Mammal Chips. All the other dinosaurs were interesting backup characters in the fight, especially Stegosaurus. We had him pegged as the game changer.
8. This Bronto news is a win for Othniel Charles Marsh, who discovered Brontosaurus and gave him his awesome name. There are not too many Othniels in this world, and we should cheer on whatever Othniels we can find.
9. But Othniel also named the Apatosaurus, which is what scientists had been calling all those Bronto remains. Apatosaurus just means "deceptive reptile," which is okay, but no Thunder Lizard. And "Apastosaurus" would never have worked as a name of a dance, the way the Move did (or tried to do, at least) with "Brontosaurus" in 1970:
10. How popular is Bronto? In addition to what I've mentioned, how about the old Sinclair Oil logo, the Land Before Time movies, a Fantasia appearance, a 1989 U.S. Postal stamp... and I've always imagined the Dinosaur in Thornton Wilder's The Skin of Our Teeth as a Brontosaurus. If he were an actor, Brontosaurus would be the hardest working reptile in showbiz. Chew on that, Godzilla!
During that 1989 postage stamp issue, where the post office got a lot of grief for using the name "Brontosaurus" on the stamp, the late Stephen Jay Gould wrote in "Bully for Brontosaurus," "Apatosaurus means 'deceptive lizard'; Brontosaurus means 'thunder lizard'---a far, far better name (but appropriateness, alas, as we have seen, counts for nothing). They have deceived us; we brontophiles have been outmaneuvered.... I retreat, not with a bang of thunder, but with a whimper of hope that rectification may someday arise from the ashes of my stamp album."
That day has now arrived.
So you can understand our enthusiasm. Now, maybe we can get to work on this Pluto thing. As comedian Larry Miller likes to say, "Homer is Homer, and Pluto is a planet." Stick that in your volcanic geyser and smoke it, grumpy old killjoy scientists!
Fifty-two years ago yesterday the "Swedish Visitors" episode of The Flintstones first aired on TV.
And therein lies a mystery.
Yumpin' Yimminy.
If you remember the episode, you'll recall that the conflict sprang from the fact that Wilma had rented the family home out to Swedish musicians in Bedrock for a music festival. Fred tries to get them to leave, but ultimately everyone becomes friends, and the episode ends with the Swedes serenading the Flintstones as they speed through Bedrock, one of the happiest moments you'll ever see in a cartoon.
That song, "Wilma," was written by Owe Thörnqvist, a genuine Swede, a musician who had been recording since 1953, and apparently the inspiration for the episode. Or so says the generally reliable Mental Floss (which is like Cracked without so many naughty words), in a 2010 article commemorating the series' 50th anniversary. They write:
The episode entitled "The Swedish Visitors" featured a pair of foreign musicians who bunked at the Flintstone home for a short time. The episode was inspired by a record called "Wilma" released in Sweden by Owe Thörnqvist. The chorus "jabadabadooo" sounded suspiciously like Fred's favorite exclamation, and then there was that whole "Wilma" angle... Hanna-Barbera contacted Thörnqvist who insisted that jabadabadooo was a traditional Viking cry, and everything else was strictly coincidental. The matter was resolved by having the singer record an English version of his tune for use on the show.
There were three Swedish musicians, not two---Ole, Ingmar, and Sven---which makes me suspicious about other assertions here. Owe's song was released in 1962, but beyond that it was hard to find more about it. Why do we even HAVE an Internet, if you can't find information on Swedish pop songs from the early 1960s, dammit?!
YouTube posts the song, with this note: "Owe was contacted by the lawyers from Hanna Barbera Hollywood, the makers of the popular TV series The Flinstones, because they think that the name and some of the lyrics was taken from them. They where ready to go to court for copyright issues around this song. Owe answered that the name Wilma was very common in sweden and the 'jabadabadooo' was an old viking sound when you find a woman so there was no copyright in that. The lawyer at Hanna barbera thought that this man (Owe) was wierd or something, but hanna & barbera find this man very funny and speaked to Owe directly and after some talking the asked him to come over to USA and record this song in English for the The Flintstones show. The show is called Fred Flintstone and his Swedish Cousine"
So there's that. Well, I couldfind the Swedish lyrics to the song "Wilma." I run them here with the song so you can sing along.
Vi hade kåk i Fredhäll, vi hade frid i vårt käll Vi hade kaffe med doppa och radio med Thore Skogman Sen fick vi television, då blev det annan fason Nu är vår tillvaro fylld av en jublande.... Yabe-dabe-dabe-doo Aj-aj-aj Wilma, här kommer Wilma Yabe-dabe, hon har ändrat på perspektivet och möblemanget i själva livet I Wilma, här kommer Wilma Yabe-dabe, håll för örona och ge hals uti en stenåldersvals Hon är en ny favorit, hon är en tjej av granit Så låt oss alla ta efter och valsa i makadamen Nu är vi grottfolk, hurra! Så ta din käring och dra långt in i snåret i håret och sjung falle.... Yabe-dabe-dabe-doo Aj-aj-aj Wilma, här kommer Wilma Yabe-dabe, det är toppen av livets grädde och du är Wilma och jag är Fredde I Wilma, här kommer Wilma Yabe-dabe, håll för örona och ge hals uti en stenåldersvals Min fru har huggit i sten och hon kan ej komma dän Nu får jag gnejs-gröt och grus-paj och sandkaka med rabarber Hon bjöd på lunch häromdan. Det var en stendöd fasan Och gamla ormar och soppa som smakade .... Yabe-dabe-dabe-doo Aj-aj-aj Wilma, här kommer Wilma Yabe-dabe, vi har blivit så primitiva så det går snart inte att beskriva I Wilma, här kommer Wilma Yabe-dabe, håll för örona och ge hals uti en stenåldersvals
Now, through the magic of Google Translate, let's see these lyrics in English:
We had a full house in Fredhäll, we had peace in our source We had coffee with dipping and radio with Thore Skogman Then we had television when it became different manners Now our existence filled with a cheering .... Yabe-dabe-dabe-doo Ouch-ouch-ouch Wilma, here comes Wilma Yabe-dabe, she has changed the perspective and the furniture of life itself In Wilma, here comes Wilma Yabe-dabe, hold the ears and neck uti give a Stone Age roll She is a new favorite, she is a girl of granite So let's all take after and roll in metalling Now we are cave dwellers, hurray! So take your crone and pull far into the thicket of hair and sing Falle .... Yabe-dabe-dabe-doo Ouch-ouch-ouch Wilma, here comes Wilma Yabe-dabe, it is the peak of life's cream and you are Wilma and I'm Freddie In Wilma, here comes Wilma Yabe-dabe, hold the ears and neck uti give a Stone Age roll My wife has hewn in stone and she can not get Dan Now I get gneiss-porridge and gravel-sand pie and cake with rhubarb She invited to lunch the other day. There was a stone dead pheasant And the old snakes and soup that tasted .... Yabe-dabe-dabe-doo Ouch-ouch-ouch Wilma, here comes Wilma Yabe-dabe, we have become so primitive so it is soon not describe In Wilma, here comes Wilma Yabe-dabe, hold the ears and neck uti give a Stone Age roll
All righty! So as we can see, this was just a total coincidence, as Owe originally said. Mentions of Fred, primitive living, caves, granite, the Stone Age, television, gravel, gneiss... Pure coincidence. And we do have to agree that Wilma changes the furniture of life itself. But please pull your crone elsewhere.
So I guess it isn't that much of a mystery. But I do have other Flintstone-related questions, such as:
- Why did it take 27 years for Betty to get a vitamin in the Flintstone vitamins? And why did the Flintstone car have to suffer when she did?
- Why did Dino talk in one early episode, but never again?
- Was Bedrock a small town, a big city, a suburb, or what? It seemed to be something different every time. It had an awful lot of TV stations for a small town. And why would Rock Roll write a song about some little nowheresville ("Bedrock Twitch")?
- Why does a grumpy ex-Catholic cartoon-crazed pal of mine get so berserk over mentions of Christ in the comic strip B.C. ("Jesus wasn't born yet in the Stone Age!") while he's never said a peep about Flintstone Christmas episodes andmovies?
(Actually, I know the answer to the last one. The thing that bothered him about B.C. was that Johnny Hart meant it. B.C. predated The Flintstones by two years, by the way, if anyone wants to know. Maybe B.C. stood for Before the Cartoon!)
