What, no crayons?

I know it's my age creeping up on me, but I'm tired of being treated like a child. If marketers don't stop, I'll hold my breath till I turn blue. (Do kids even do that anymore?)

One of the things that bugs me in this increasingly irritating world are the cute little bonuses that sellers throw in to make someone feel like they've just been accepted into the bestest kindergarten ever. For example, I bought a set of expensive sheets as a Christmas present for a family member who I knew would enjoy them. I wanted to get sheets made from Outlast fabric; this type of fiber claims to reduce temperature on sleeping surfaces, and the person I'm referring to likes to have the room cold enough -- in the words of Tony Kornheiser -- "that I can hang veal in the closet." I bought a set through Slumber Cloud; it arrived intact and on time, but it also included a little "welcome!" kit, as if I had just taken a job with them. The kit included stickers! 

Let me state so there's no confusion: I had purchased pricy adult sheets for a queen-size bed. The sheets did not feature any Disney characters, nor Minions, nor any figures from Nickelodeon. Why would I want stickers? 

The same thing happened on my birthday last year. New dog Izzy had chewed up three pairs of my shoes, and my wife thought I would like a pair of Vessis. Vessi shoes, she'd heard, look like normal casual shoes but are waterproof, and since I'm always outside with the dogs in all weather, she thought I would like them. And they weren't cheap.

Yes, I do like them, and yes, they came with an orientation kit that included stickers. 

I miss the days of buying and selling; I do not want to engage in a relationship with the seller. It bothers me because I suppose that's exactly what the seller expects to happen, and must be targeting those younger than me who grew up getting stickers everywhere. (We had to buy our own Wacky Packages, thank you very much.) Does this make the youths of America feel like they're being treated especially well? Is that a reason to max out your credit cards at an age where Payless is your real best shoe friend?

The whole thing feels very smarmy to me, a means of getting past the natural skepticism one should have in any financial transaction, and I dislike it. Companies don't give things away for free; it's all included in the price. Is it worth it to get a brochure on the product you already bought and a page of colorful stickers? 

Please tell me if I'm being too grumpy. I would rather spend less and make fewer "pals" among the sellers. Either I'm getting crazier or the world is, and I'm about as crazy as ever.