Sunday, November 20, 2016

Very big in France.

I'm not quite sure that the Google metrics for this blog are correct.

I don't really get hung up on readership data. I'm here to get the thoughts out of my head that get stuck in there, to try out ideas, to keep disciplined as a writer, to promote my books (hint!), even to be a voice crying in the wilderness. Not that I'm not thrilled to have readers. I appreciate everybody who stops by my humble demesnes more than words can say. Especially 💖you💖.

But Google is telling me that I've been getting the bulk of my traffic from France.

Since I do not write in French, and most of the people who live in France read in French, I wouldn't expect there to be a lot of appeal for my stuff in France. I took French in junior high and high school, but I've resisted the temptation to try my hand at it. I occasionally may say, «I must punctuate my quotations in the French style!» but it's a passing thing.

I can only think of three reasons why so much traffic for this site appears to be coming from France:

1) Something about my work appeals to the elan, the sacre bleu, the plume da ma tante of la belle Francais.

2) French hackers are using my site to smuggle malware or secrets or other bad things by piggybacking on my URL.

3) Google has made some weird error, mistaking France for another entire nation.

4) There is an Internet rumor that "Fred Key" is an alias for "Jerry Lewis."

Lacking any further information to the contrary, I'm going to go with #1. Yes, I'm choosing to believe that I'm very big in France. Who knew?

Liberty and Fred Leading the People
So, French people, let me just say how long I have admired your novelists, your scientists, your chefs de cuisine, your... Well, I'm sure there's a lot of other things. I'm sorry if I ever said anything mean about France in this space. I don't blame you for the metric system. You were only trying to help.

Let us continue to enrich our friendship, shall we? Or as we said in seventh grade, Le papillon est rouge et bleu et blanc et vert!

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