Thursday, February 26, 2015

Thank you, Mr. Bruno!

I got an e-mail out of the blue the other day -- the news was a little sad, I suppose, but despite that I was over the moon with excitement:

Dear Key,

My name is Barrister.Jacob Bruno  (Esq.) I am a Lawyer; I reside and
practice in the Republic of Lome-Togo. I am writing you this letter
with  good faith in respect of one late Mr.Alan Key, a citizen of
your country  who was my client here in Togo, until his untimely death
in the year 2011, in a ghastly motor accident, which claimed his life
along with that of his wife and only Son, The combination of the facts
that I was his Personal  Attorney and your having the same last name
with him, will indeed enable us collect the sum of ($9.5 million USD)
plus interests accruing, which the deceased kept in a Savings and
Loans Mortgage Institution here in my country.i need your urgent
respond as soon as possible OK? you can reply to  my private email
address for more details and clarification.

Best regards,
Barrister.Jacob Bruno (Esq.)


Oh, boy! Nine and a half big ones! Let's bring up the money pic again!

Official Money Pic of Your Daily Dose of Vitamin Fred.
Poor old Alan. Poor old Alan and his wife and only Son. To die not just in a motor accident, but in a ghastly motor accident, is awfully sad. I guess he had no Daughters, or maybe girls can't inherit in Togo.

I wonder how Alan got all that dough? Considering that the GDP per capita of Togo is $1,100, he must have worked very hard. I never heard of Alan before, but to have stockpiled the annual income of 8,637 of his fellow Togoans, he must have been quite industrious. We Keys have always had a good work ethic.

I'm very impressed that Mr. Bruno was able to find me. After all, there are a lot of Keys around. WhitePages.com lists almost a hundred families by that name in the Hudson Valley. How did he find me? Togoan lawyers must be awfully industrious, too! I'll bet Mr. Bruno makes a pretty good commission.

So I thought I would get the money, fill up the living room with dollar bills, and go all Scrooge McDuck on it. How many people get to do that?

But later on, I got to thinking about old Alan, and his wife and Son, and how ghastly that motor accident must have been. I figured there was blood all over Togo's road. It made me ashamed of my greed, and my hunger for wealth, in a world where so many people have to get by on barely over a grand a year. So I put away my spats and my duck bill, and I took a good, hard look at my life.

Finally I decided not to write back to Barrister Jacob Bruno, Esq. Often money left intestate goes to the government. So maybe Alan's cash can go to his fellow Togobans. Each of the 7,351,374 citizens of Togo can get a buck twenty-nine. They can probably all get a sandwich on that down there. Free lunch on me.

I'm sure that Alan, wherever he is, would like that. And his Son, too.
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