Statements made while watching Antiques Roadshow.

"How can that be an antique? I'm older than it is!"

"This will be a good one. The appraiser specializes in rich people stuff."

"They're not commercials. They're sponsors who donate to PBS out of the goodness of their hearts."

"HOW much? The dog could paint better than that!"

"Why isn't Nick doing this appraisal? Nick is the man for majolica." 

"Look at her face. She thought it would be worth a lot more."

"Oooh, this is gonna be a biggie!" 

"Toys are never worth much."

"Apparently this Picasso print was from his Greenbacks Period."

"He washed off the patina. FOOL."

"Don't we have something like that in the basement?"

"Hey, it's Lark! This will be valuable."
"Unless it's a fake."
"He never gets fakes."

Lark E. Mason, not getting a fake

"The Civil War stuff is fun."
"It wasn't the first time around."

"All painters should be dead for three hundred years."

"This is a game show for old people with tote bags."

"Veneer!" [obligatory Frasier reference]

"Books are never worth much."

"Sorry, I can't focus on the poster. The appraiser's suit is blinding me."

"If it doesn't have the magic T word [Tiffany], it's crap."

"Hey, it's Bruce! This will be worthless."
"Unless it's real."
"He never gets real stuff."

"Guitars are always worth a LOT."