The other day I swung in to get some items that were not available for whatever reason in the bigger store, and while there I got... BANANAS. Why do I cap? Because when you have to weigh produce, the self-checkout computer voice -- I call her Cloris -- has to walk you through the process. And I could hear her in my mind as I made my way to the self-checkout.
You press the button on the screen for produce and the fun begins. "Select the item from the list." Press the button for bananas.
"Place your . . . BANANAS . . . on the scanner."
Bananas placed. Price calculated.
"Remove your . . . BANANAS . . . to the checkout area."
I'm not sure of the wording, but that pause before and after loudly announcing the fruit or vegetable of choice sticks with me. Cloris makes those pauses pregnant, and you can almost hear the judgment in her voice. I swear, I'm not going to do anything strange with the BANANAS, Cloris! I just want them for my cornflakes.
Perhaps she doesn't believe me. Bananas are cheap. They don't have a bar code for her to scan, unlike pints of blueberries and some other things you can get from the produce section. Maybe she thinks I'm weighing dragonfruit or some expensive crap like that on the scale and saying it's bananas. She knows my little scam.
"Remove your . . . SO-CALLED BANANAS . . . to the checkout area."
I wouldn't do that to you, Cloris! Trust is the cornerstone of our relationship!
Maybe I should just wait on line for the cashier. this whole thing could be driving me nuts.
"Place your . . . NUTS . . . on the scanner."
Do not tempt fate, Cloris!
6 comments:
Ha ha! That's it exactly. And this classic: "move yourrr .... BAN AN AS! ... to the UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA! REMOVE ITEM FROM BAGGING AREA! Whoop whoop danger danger bad citizen alert
And when you're done, if you take one second too long to pick up your bag : "PLEASE! TAKE your items AND your receipt." Like you're going to leave without your bag. I actually have said " shut up" out loud at that point. I hate those things.
"Place your . . . NUTS . . . on the scanner."
LOLOL! Don't tell me twice, Cloris...because I just might do it. ;>
And yeah, that "PLEASE TAKE YOUR ITEMS" command, over & over, AS I AM DOING EXACTLY THAT, has resulted in my becoming the Price Rite customer who routinely tells the auto-checkout to "shut the f*** up". :D
It seems to me that the self-checks at Wal-mart don't say as much as they once did. I don't get the bagging-related warnings anymore. I have managed to restrain my grief.
I avoid self-checkout like the plague, because 1) they are always throwing a problem at me that requires an attendant, and 2) because I stand in solidarity with the human checkers that I have come to know after almost 30 years shopping at the same store. Now we have a nearby Amazon Fresh, and per my son, once you sign up, you can just grab whatever you want and leave the store with it, and you’ll get charged automatically for whatever you have. Well, that’s a bit too close to surveillance state stuff for me. I like to pay anonymously, like with Fredcoin.
P.s. posted by Peacelovewoodstock but I guess I’m not logged in
But, consider the generic items in the store:
"Place your... item... in the bag!"
Post a Comment