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Trailer for The Last Doughslinger. (All in black-and-white, of course.)
(SCENE: A dark bakery, all tools cobwebbed and dusty.)
NARRATOR (voiceover): In a world where dough is needed, one man was the best of the best.
BAKER (VO): You got the wrong guy. I'm out of the game.
NARRATOR (VO): Then one day... he disappeared.
BAKER (VO): They tried, you know. They tried everything.
(SCENE: Young boy with anxious face.)
BOY: What happened? Where... has all the flour gone?
(SCENE: Baker, in darkness, from behind.)
BAKER: Cakes for gay Muslim dog weddings. Cakes for left-handed Satanic bowling leagues. Cakes for trans-Nazi coming-out parties. Exploding cakes for Methodist terrorists. I refused. And so, lawyers. And more lawyers.
(SCENE: The camera pans over mixing bowls and cookie sheets.)
BAKER: And the fines. Selling Mickey Mouse cakes without permission. Unauthorized use of an offset spatula in a school zone. Then, class actions. Obesity. Diabetes. Tooth decay. Cardiovascular disease.
(Close up)
BAKER: I got tired of mixing it up with them.
(SCENE: Young woman in wedding dress. In the rain.)
WOMAN: My wedd...ing... cake...
(Return to Baker.)
BAKER: I just downed tools and walked away.
(SCENE: The camera pans over... well, pans.)
NARRATOR (VO): But he wasn't quite done.
GUY NAMED BOB: One last mission and we'll never bother you again.
BAKER: Leave me be, Bob! I can't stand the heat, I got out of the damn kitchen!
BOB: One more!
BAKER: Never!
BOB: But it's about...
(Baker looks up)
BOB: ...your daughter.
(MONTAGE of Daughter being grabbed off the street by masked men in a van marked KALE. She's tied up and thrown inside.)
BOB (VO): These men are desperate. They don't fool around. They want the dough, and they don't care how they get it. Half a million scones by Tuesday. And some rugelach. Maybe a few cheese danish. Or else. But I told them no one alive could do that! No one...
BOB: ...but you.
(BLACKOUT. Then:)
BAKER (full face): Get. Me. My. Apron.
(Fade in title)
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What do you think? Liam Neeson, amirite? Or Jeff Bridges.
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