Soccer to ME?

Google keeps trying to make me care about the Women's World Cup. 

C'mon, c'mon...

Oh, dear!

I don't wish to be mean. Well, maybe I do, but not for the reasons it may seem. Let's go to the videotape and sort it out.

⚽ I don't have anything against women's sports. I like watching the women's events in the Olympics just fine, and not out of prurient interest. Women + sports = no problem.

⚽ And I don't want to burst the soccer ball even though I don't happen to like soccer. Soccer was considered a poor sport when I was a kid, something you might fall back on when all you had was a ball you couldn't throw. Even stickball required more equipment (i.e.: stick). And if you had a throwing ball and nothing else, you might play monkey in the middle. I'm saying, we never saw soccer on TV, our dads had no respect for the game, and it looked really boring.

⚽ Plus the clock moves in the wrong direction and the rules encourage faking injuries.

⚽ But I can appreciate that others may enjoy it. I've worked on some kids' books about Pelé and the World Cup, and I think it's fine. Go enjoy it. Many people enjoy many things that I don't understand, like wine tasting and rock climbing and Kabuki theater, and that's fine too. There are things I do understand but don't want to participate in, like gardening and chess and building intricate model train sets. And there are things that just leave me cold. Soccer is one such.

⚽ (I would like to add that it has been almost five years since I introduced my plan to fix all of soccer's problems, and FIFA has completed ignored me. Sad!)

⚽ And I understand that Google thinks everyone should be cool on World Cup because so many people love the game that billions of human beings will literally pull every hair out of their heads if their national team loses a squeaker.

⚽ And Google thinks women everything is great because Women!

⚽ And not out of prurient interest, Stiiv.

⚽ But Google doesn't address what's going to happen to women's sports when their progressive agenda leads to FIFA and the International Olympic Committee recognizing trans athletes -- men who play dressed as women -- who go on to wipe the floor with the actual women playing, as is happening in NCAA-sanctioned events now. However sincere these men are about becoming women, they've opened the door to future women's events being played entirely by men who couldn't make the cut in the men's events. So everyone who ever made fun of women's sports as being a crappy (rather than just different) version of men's sports will be justified in the end, because that's all it will be.

⚽ But that last point doesn't have anything to do with this year's Women's World Cup. I just don't like soccer. Still: USA! USA! USA! (Assuming they're in it.)

Okay, that's all the caring I have for today. I have to go lie down.