Workers.

Today is a day that the Universal Church celebrates one of its great saints, one very important to me, St. Joseph. His traditional feast day is March 19, of course, but today we celebrate St. Joseph the Worker, in honor of his role as supporter and protector of the Holy Family and to stick it to the Reds.

May Day is of course the day that the International Godless Commies chose for their big holiday, so the Church decided that A) the workers of the world ought to have a holiday but B) Commies are godless and cruel and so there ought to be a better choice for the workers on that same day. Or in other words, "to foster deep devotion to Saint Joseph among Catholics, and in response to the 'May Day' celebrations for workers sponsored by Communists, Pope Pius XII instituted the feast of Saint Joseph the Worker in 1955."

Back in 1955 the Church understood that these God-hating Year-Zero types were no friends of Jesus, however many smiley faces they plastered on their violent plans for world domination. I'm not so sure the Church is as rigorous in this understanding anymore.

I suppose this is a day to celebrate the worker, then, which Labor Day is not anymore. Labor Day is now the day to celebrate the barbecue and the closing of the beach house. So, let's celebrate today. Yay, workers!

So in honor of St. Joseph the Worker, here's ten Dad Jokes about working from around the Web for you:

🔨 I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

🔨 Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.

🔨 To the guy who stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you. You have my Word.

🔨 The Invisible Man got a great job offer but turned it down. He couldn't see himself doing it.

🔨 I got a job as the director of Old MacDonald's Farm. Yeah, I'm the CIEIO.

🔨 Our IT guy got mad because I downloaded all of Wikipedia. I said, "Wait, I can explain everything."

🔨 There was a terrible explosion at the French cheese factory. Nothing left but de brie.

🔨 My pal Fred just wrote a history of Krazy Glue. I can't put it down.

🔨 Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

🔨 They told me my son, the road crew manager, was a kleptomaniac. I refused to believe it. But when I got to his house, all the signs were there.


You know, maybe it's just as well that we have no record of anything St. Joseph ever said. No wonder he's considered the model father.