Post non-haste.

Back in early March I related the sad saga of my mailbox, a story that actually happened in February while I was recovering from a concussion. The breathless adventure is told here, but in a nutshell, I'd scheduled a cable-box pickup for a particular day, we had another of our endless series of ice storms, and when the delivery truck came he nailed my mailbox and the post upon which it sat. The whole thing was a twisted and mangled mess. When I set it to rights, the pole snapped.

This was not my mailbox (mine was laid out on ice like a fish; I failed to get a picture) but it sums up the drama inherent in the story:

Blarg

From that February day to this past weekend, it has been my mission to replace the jury-rigged mailbox post. That proved to be harder than I expected.

First, it was too cold and icy for a month and a half afterward, making the earth too solid for proper installation of anything that required digging. (Too bad ya died, Aunt Bertha; we'll bury you in three months.) Second, when the weather improved, and I began to shop for a post, I found that both the local Home Depot and the local Lowe's were completely sold out of them. Obviously the winter had taken a toll on our local mailbox posts. I'm not exaggerating; I think half a dozen posts on my street still have some kind of brace or bracket holding them in proper position, gewgaws that were not on the posts last Halloween.

Finally I gave up and (during a trial of Amazon Prime) ordered a nice cedar post. It smelled pretty good, and being cedar it should keep the moths from eating my mail, but it was more rough-hewn than I expected and required sanding down. I had also ordered new reflective house numbers to nail on the sides -- remember, pilgrims, make sure that your house or unit number is very visible. The ambulance or fire truck may one day toll for thee.

I'd also gotten a new mailbox from Home Depot, as the old one had gotten dented and was (kinda) hammered back into shape. Right about the time the weather got warm, it got rainy -- and stayed that way for a month. Putting the new post in the soft ground seemed as poor an idea as putting it in the frozen ground.

Finally the day arrived -- this past Saturday.

Installing a mail post is one of those jobs that takes longer than you think it will, however long you think. It seems simple enough -- so did building a bell tower at Pisa. My mailbox is not likely to become a tourist destination. The main problem is getting the damn thing in level, solidly enough to stay level.

The post went in all right. The old post was six feet long; the new one is a good deal shorter but uses a metal anchor at the bottom to keep it upright. I also have a plastic brace that sits under the surface of the dirt that helps keep it vertical. I considered putting in some concrete as well to firm it up, but it seemed pretty solid. And concrete would just make it hard to remove the next time my post gets nailed by a truck.

Ultimately it was a good choice, as later that afternoon we had a popup thundershower.

So far, so competent, but that wouldn't last. You see, the new mailbox I bought turned out to be too big. I thought it was a bit taller than the old box -- but it was also much wider. It needed bigger bracket (or adapter plate) to sit on the arm of the post. I tried to rig it up with the brackets that came with the post, but finally I gave up and resintalled the old, dented mailbox.

So my triumphant project ended with a bent mailbox. As I type my six-foot post is waiting for the garbage men, who will hate me. The new post will probably lean despite my best efforts because of all the rain, and a leaning mail post is one of those things my wife says makes a property instantly look neglected and sloppy. Happy Wednesday. I hate everything.