What is a passion fruit, or is it?

Kids, you may not know it, but the fruit known as the Passion Fruit was invented in 1980. Okay, history lesson for the day is done!

Actually, this is not the case, although I don't know if people at large knew about the passion fruit until it started to be put in things. Like wine coolers. And maybe... pizza?

Merriam-Webster dates the term passion fruit for the "the small roundish purple or yellow fruit of a Brazilian passionflower (Passiflora edulis)" from 1752, which seems strange. After all, wasn't Western culture all buttoned-down and constipated and passionless from the Enlightenment (c. 1685, Thursday) until the hippies descended on Woodstock, or something? I actually live not too far from Woodstock and that's what the old hippies seem to be telling me, when they remember to put in their teeth.

On a kinder note, I do suppose that there is such a thing as the passion fruit, as I have seen them depicted on TV (one recently appeared on The Great British Baking Show, naked as a jaybird), but I have never met a passion fruit in real life. Seriously, our well-stocked supermarket has fruit from all over the world, weird things like dragonfruit and those kid-brother yellow mangoes, but I've never seen a passion fruit there. I only see it used as a flavoring, as in sparkling water. 

Is it real?

When I went to the supermarket last week, I checked online first through their shop-at-home feature to see what passionate products they might have. Sure enough, they listed yogurt, sorbet, baby food, canned juice, and even tea bags with passion fruit flavors, but no actual fruit. And yet Food Network says the fruit from California is in season from January through November, so since Santa isn't visible anywhere I should be able to find some. But no, nothing.

I'm starting to think they made this up. Like the supposed "wildberry" that's used to flavor semi-foods like Pop-Tarts, this whole thing could be fake.

Only one thing to do: Find Dewey Stevens, the former wine cooler king, in whatever low boozy hangout he haunts, and get the truth out of him. I suspect the passion fruit thing may have done him in. After all, many a man has been ruined by a secret passion.