Sir Ringo.

I was mildly surprised and a little amused to see that Ringo Starr is getting a knighthood.

Do I think he deserves it? I don't think any pop musician deserves it, or I would feel that way if it were still an award that had anything to do with personal and national honor. For a long time that hasn't been the case.

Not that I want to go slaggin' on Ringo. Like a lot of people I have a soft spot for Ringo. For decades he didn't get the respect he deserved as a drummer -- but may have gotten more than he deserved as a singer, so maybe it was a wash. I have always liked "Photograph," which he sang with that classic Ringo sorrowful twang, and even dopier songs like "Sunshine Life for Me (Sail Away Raymond)," "Goodnight Vienna," and "Down and Out." His version of "Drowning in the Sea of Love" is great, if you don't listen to Joe Simon's original. On the whole I approve of Ringo, doubly so because he wasn't a pretentious git like some other Beatles I could name who wrote the worst song every written, called "Imagine." Just saying.

Ringo also had something of an acting career beyond the movies he made as a Beatle. He starred in 1981's Caveman with Dennis Quaid and Shelley Long, which... Well, it sucked. He starred with Peter Sellers in The Magic Christian from 1969, which has a cult following but is an object lesson in how unfunny comedy was in 1969. (Satire is still what closes on Saturday night.) And of course he played a dual role as Ringo Starr and his doppelganger Ognir Rrats in the 1978 TV film Ringo. 

Ringo's cameo in 24: Live Another Day

If Paul McCartney could get a knighthood, and he did twenty years ago, there's no reason Ringo couldn't get one. Paul claims to have lobbied for Ringo's honors, but I have my doubts. Why would it have taken so long? George Harrison would certainly have gotten one if he hadn't died in 2001, and John Lennon as well, even though Lennon wrote the worst song ever written. (Which is "Imagine.")

Personally, I think Paul was dreading this day, perhaps lobbying against it, knowing that Ringo would be calling him all the time after he got the knighthood.

"Hey, Paul. Is there some special club for us knights, something nice with a swimming pool?"

"No, Ringo, I don't think so, mate. I have to---"

"Oh, see, I thought for us knights the queen might have some special place to, like, hang out, you know? Have tea or something."

"Not that I ever heard of."

"Are we allowed to just go up and knock on the door at Buckingham? Us being knights? You know, walk on up and ring the bell and say, 'Just in the neighborhood, thought we'd stop in and see Mum'?"

"No, Ringo, probably not a good idea. I think I hear Nancy calling..."

"Maybe if we wore armor? Did you ever get a suit of armor? Don't know where to get mine."

"You shouldn't need armor, but of course---"

"I thought about hiring some heralds, do some art for me, some rampant stuff, maybe with rings and all. Seems knightish."

"Yeah, nice."

"Say, you want to go jousting?"

"No, I don't want to go bloody jousting. I have to---"

"Can I get a free Wimpy Cheese Burger, d'ya think, if I show 'em me knighthood?"

"Good-bye, Ringo."

That's how I figure it would go down. Then Ringo will play the recording of the conversation at his next concert. That's what I would do, anyway.