Nosebleeds I have known.

So this is fun -- yesterday morning I blew my nose and gave myself a nosebleed. Whee!

It's interesting to me because I can't even remember the last time I had a nosebleed. Eighth grade?

Trust me when I tell you eighth grade was a long time ago.

I guess the current one was caused by the very wintery conditions we've had lately, leading to exceptionally dry air. Or maybe I have a blood clotting disorder, possibly as the result of some weird cancer, and I'm gonna die by New Year's. I don't know; go to WebMD and you'll always come up with cancer somewhere.

Certainly the nosebleeds of yore had nothing to do with cancer and everything with being a kid. When I was a little boy it seemed like I was getting popped in the nose all the time, either in fights or just falling down or walking into walls. It appeared that bloody noses were going to play a large part in my time on earth. And yet they began to taper off by the middle school years.

Not that I was entirely nosebleedless even then. While I was seldom getting in fights anymore, I did once get sucker-punched in the stands at a basketball game, which put an end to the disagreement I was having with another youth. The gym teacher came to my aid and there I was, head back, in his office chair, trying to save my shirt. (In those days common wisdom said to put the head back to stop the bleeding, but now it is feared one might gag or vomit on the blood and should sit with the head forward.) Another time, in that same gym, I was playing dodgeball -- not my idea -- and was leaving the court when someone helpfully looked at me and pointed to the opposing side. I turned my head in time to catch the ball on my nose. And it was back in the gym office again.

I WAS LEAVING THE COURT, DAMN IT

After that, though, no nasal contusion resulting in blood. I'd been in fights a couple of times and a car-totalling crash once, but nothing ever smashed the schnoz. So yesterday's bloody mess was a trip down memory lane.

If you're a healthy and careful adult with no action-packed profession or hobby, I'd wager you have not had a nosebleed in some time either. If you're on a blood thinner like warfarin, or you're an amateur boxer or a cop or Batman, then yeah, maybe you've had a bloody nose. For adults it's often an unusual story, and so if you've got a good one, I'd love to hear it.

As for me, I just coincidentally am going to see the doctor today, so if he finds I have an enormous nasal tumor I'll let you know. But maybe he'll just tell me to drink more water in dry weather.