Sunday, August 20, 2017

A call for ear lids.

So this guy had a live gecko crawl in his ear, and it took multiple doctors to get it back out. (Hat tip: Dave Barry's blog.)

Wondering if it was covered
by his insurance. 
Now, some old-timers in the newspaper game would tell you, "Gecko in a man's ear? That ain't news. Man in a gecko's ear, now that'd be news."

Well, I say it is news, and I'd include other stories along this line suggested by United Press International, such as "Dozens of Maggots Removed from Boy's Ear Canal" and "Doctors Find Live Spider in Woman's Ear after Outside Nap." Obviously UPI is the king of news services when it comes to reporting live creatures in human ears. I was wondering if there's a blog devoted to news of this kind, like the Drudge Report for ears ("BREAKING: Man Finds Entire Matchbox Car Collection in Ear Canal"). But I figure UPI must be keeping a file somewhere.

This brings me back to one of my great complaints: Why do we have eyelids but no ear lids? Is this unreasonable? I think not, and I shall expand on this theme a bit.

Think of all the times you close your eyes for protection, against things you shouldn't or don't want to see. Then think of all the things you hate to hear: take the nasty language in modern films, or your co-worker's pitiful excuses, or Justin Bieber. Wouldn't it be great to be able to shut your ears the same way? Sure, you can stick your fingers in your ears, inviting infection if your fingers are dirty. And what about people who've lost a hand, like Captain Hook, huh? Ableist.

No, clearly that's not a good solution. And what about when you're trying to sleep, and your partner's snoring sounds like a John Bonham drum solo? People wind up sleeping on the sofa or buying ear plugs. It's tragic.

And that's not even touching on this worldwide epidemic of small creatures slipping into the supposedly personal confines of the inner ear while the owner enjoys some refreshing sleep.

I'm not sure what management authority needs to address this, but I think a campaign for ear lids is not out of line. Come on, people! Think of the children!

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