Thursday, May 21, 2015

Sugar-Sucking Writer Drops Weight with This Weird Trick!

I've found the secret to losing weight! This Secret the Big Candy Companies Don't Want You to Know About! Are you ready?

Nah, you're not--- Oh, you are?

Well. All right, then.

Here's the secret:


"You've lost it now, Fred! Crest Pro-Health Brand Clinical Rinse Mouthwash can't possibly be some big secret to weight loss!"

Ha! Says you, imaginary man who speaks in my head! But I don't blame you for being skeptical. Sure, it's a fine mouthwash that kills 99% of the germs that cause bad breath and is clinically proven to reverse gingivitis within two weeks... but weight loss? How?

It is a very powerful mouthwash, for starters. So much so that if you use it just before you go to bed I swear your mouth will still feel germ-free when you wake up. No, really! Good idea to brush anyway, but it really does leave your mouth feeling clean for a very long time. It doesn't taste that great and it is quite unpleasant during the 30-second rinse, but it does what it sets out to do. How many of us can say that?

Here's the secret: You can't get rid of that taste. It stays with you. It is there when you wake. It is there when you go for breakfast. It's still lingering at lunch. It definitely cuts down the flavor of food, making some things odd, and therefore ruining the joy of eating.

So if you want to lose weight by deterrent therapy and you don't want to wire your jaw shut, I'd say give it a chance. Your teeth will thank you, and so will your pants.

Me, I'm just not using it again. Bleah. Sorry, pants.
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