Up for what?

Bud Light's current campaign says that it is "Up for Whatever."

I'm not sure what that means. Who's up for what? The beer is up for whatever? Of course it is; it's beer. What's it going to do, complain?

Maybe it's the people who drink the stuff that are supposed to be up for whatever. That would seem to be the idea behind the "hidden camera" commercial where the guy (a real guy! Really! He has no idea what's going on!) gets thrown into a real-life Pac Man game. See? He didn't say, "No, man, I gotta work in the morning, I can't be out late playing Pac Man." He didn't say, "Yo, I left my baby in the car, I gotta go." He said, "I am drinking Bud Light and I am up for whatever." That's the spirit.

I have my doubts. Not about the Pac Man thing; I'm sure that was totally legit. No way did he and his pals notice the construction site with the humongous coin slot and the thousands of screaming people with floodlights and miles of neon until they got inside. No, I just think the definition of "whatever" is a lot less elastic than the Bud Light people might have us believe.

For example, here are 13 things off the top of my head that I suspect they would not be up for:

• Mass
• Visit to Grandpa in the home
• Lecture on Polynesian anthropology
• Work
• An hour in a Christian Scientist reading room
• Cleaning the gutters
• Babysitting hyperactive toddlers
• Watching the soaps with Ma
• Limburger-eating contest
• Attending a performance of the Symphonic Concerto for Piano and Orchestra in B minor by Wilhelm Furtwängler
• Root canal
• Memorizing The Iliad
• Attending a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous 

And some of those they should undoubtedly not be up for, anyway.

Not to say that people shouldn't drink Bud Light and have a good time. If you can do it without getting yourself or others in trouble, and you think Bud Light has good (or any) taste, don't let me stop you.

I'm just hoping one day to see a commercial where a guy comes on the TV screen with a bottle and says, "You would like drinking Schnorblatz. It tastes good." And walks off.

I would become a strong Schnorblatz supporter.