Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Fred's criminal mind.

Mrs. Key enjoys watching the TV series Criminal Minds. Which, if you are not familiar with the crime drama, is the most relentlessly skeevy and twisted crime series on network television.

I used to feel like I had to protect her from revolting entertainment involving killing and death. Somewhere along the line I got wimpier and she got bloodier. I think we passed each other.

But I have to admit that Criminal Minds is a well-made show. One reason is Thomas Gibson's portrayal of Aaron Hotchner, who is the kind of no-nonsense detective that would have fit perfectly into the non-ironic days of Dragnet. After the boy toys and whining crusaders that pass for law enforcement officers on other shows, it's nice to have a serious show with a serious crime-stopper at the heart of it.

My main problem comes when the characters start profiling the unknown subject---the serial killer du jour. They usually say things like...

"The UnSub is a middle-aged male, white, who finds himself alienated from a lot of people around him."

"The UnSub has a strong sense of responsibility, but also a strong desire to take a hatchet to everything. His desire for goodness in the world stymied, he lashes out by embracing badness."

"The UnSub probably drives a nondescript SUV, and is a creative male who feels frustrated in his inability to sell more books than your average White House pet. This makes him want to kill anything that moves."

"The UnSub is a middle-aged white male who probably ran a feeble humor blog as a means of expressing his inner desire to rip people's spleens out. Now he's going for the real thing."

"The UnSub likely has an old-fashioned name like Edgar, Jerome, or Fred."

"The UnSub is probably losing his hair and fights with his pants every morning."

Hmm...

Maybe I ought to study that show more closely.
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