Is it that obvious?

 

To Helen gone!

I'm not one to go tooting my own horn, as you know. I'd much rather bribe someone to toot my horn for me, and then act all embarrassed about the tootage. Oh, please, you make me blush!

Nevertheless, I wanted to put up a post today about Helen's Page, upon which I have signed for a trial basis.

Dr. Helen Smith, author of Men on Strike and, in her spare time, Mrs. Instapundit, has decided to take the cultural challenge of canceling to heart -- and fight back. Since prominent Internet platforms are deleting books and events and even persons that might get in the way of El Narrativo (in Mikeski's term), she has begun her own media page -- Helen's Page, "A Happy Place for Liberty-Minded People to Meet." 

So I created an account there. It's not much yet, mostly a means of displaying my novels and a link to come here, to this marvelous blog, whereupon one might click on those links to the right and peruse the wares. I'd like to support the page and help get people more interested in it, even if they don't want to buy my books.

We know that approximately half the known universe follows Instapundit, or should, so that's a lot of people who might check out Helen's Page. I hope more people join up, and we can make this bigger than Etsy, Craig's List, Angie's List, Huffington's Post, Drudge's Report, and Stiiv's Bunk! (Yeah, I know I got them wrong and one of them doesn't even exist. "Drudge Report" -- ha.)

Wish me luck, but mostly wish Dr. Helen luck -- this is her "Build Your Own Platform" moment, and with the other platforms becoming cancel culture mouthpieces for monothink, or being canceled themselves, we need more platforms "for Liberty-Minded People." 

There's a report on NBC that quotes a senior Department of Homeland Security official saying that "DHS plans to expand its relationships with companies that scour public data for intelligence" (you know which companies those might be). "'The idea is to identify people who may through their social media behavior be prone to influence by toxic messaging spread by foreign governments, terrorists and domestic extremists,' the official said. 'We want to Identify the narratives that are emerging, assess which narratives are likely to incite violence, figure out what targets are likely and then take steps to mitigate the risk.'" 

The ostensible cause for this plan is not the rioting last year that killed 25 people, injured hundreds, destroyed livelihoods and caused millions (if not billions) in damages; it's a handful of unarmed knuckleheads who got into the Capitol on January 6. The idea is that the government, which knew Ahmad Al Aliwi Alissa of Colorado was a problem and did nothing to stop him before he murdered ten innocents, is going to put people on a no-fly list (among other things) for Liking the wrong things on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that if this had been a Trump administration initiative, you'd have heard the screaming on cable news in the Kuiper Belt.

In other words, Helen’s Page is about more than getting some books in front of eyeballs. This is about creating space on the Internet for a free citizenry to enjoy basic freedom of political expression without fear of reprisal. We need a lot more of that. 

The patron saint of the canceled.

Yesterday was the feast of St. John of God, a Portuguese born in 1495, of whom many interesting stories are told. By some accounts he went to war in the army of Holy Roman Emperor Charles V, fighting the French and later the Turks. He fell away from his childhood piety and lost his moral bearing. Eventually he decided to mend his ways, and went all in for the Lord, devoting himself to helping the poor and the sick. 

There was one story about him that made me think he would be a wonderful patron saint for those facing public cancellation in these strange and wicked times. We are supposed to be a society of the free, but as you well know, making a public statement of a sort that everyone believed a decade ago (such as, riots are bad, men can't be women just by wearing a dress, all lives are important) can get you fired from your job, blackballed from your industry, doxxed, attacked at your home, blacklisted from "social" media, and if some asshat is feeling particularly asinine, maybe SWATted while you sleep. 

My use of the term "blackballed" just now might be enough to do me in, but fortunately I'm a nobody and I don't use Twitter. If I were to get the attention of the social justice orcs, I would know better than to apologize -- apologies are never accepted by the mob, and just motivate them to keep burning and pitchforking.

Modern mob justice has no interest if its victim even really did anything wrong. It just likes to collect heads. If I offend in this blog, it's probably a joke, and if they don't like it, the humorless dweebs should try telling a joke themselves; if I say something true that they don't like, I'm not apologizing for the truth. Of course, we know for the mob, truth is never a defense. 

According to the Catholic News Agency, John of God did not make a secret of his often disreputable past: 

The Bishop of Granada approved his work, and gave him the name “John of God.” A group of volunteers came to accompany him in his work, many of whom had first come to him while in dire need themselves.

      Others, who resented his work, assaulted John's reputation by focusing on his past sins – but John, unfazed in his humility, would acknowledge the truth of what was said, as a testament to God's grace in his life. He once offered to pay a woman to tell the entire city what she had been saying about him in private.

And that's why I suggest John of God would be a good patron for those who have come under attack by Internet mobs. He was repentant of his past, and he did not apologize to those who tried to ruin his reputation. He had already repented to the One who mattered, so he knew the truth wouldn't hurt him. If others attacked him anyway, he was humble enough to take it and man enough to see it through.

St. John of God, pray for us! The whole world's gone batty and everything is upside down. Help us be humble and faithful enough to endure, help us be brave, and help us not to apologize for telling the truth. 

Just doodling.

If you were on Google yesterday you may have noticed that they've started the Google Doodle contest again. I immediately decided to enter. Unfortunately it is only open to kids up through grade 12, and whatever else I may identify as, a teenager is right out. ("How do you do, fellow doodlers?")

It's a shame, because the topic is right up my alley. 

This year's theme is:

I am strong because...

Hey, I'm all over that. Me manly man! Super strong! Walk giant dogs! Eat massive cookies! Break bottle of Man Lotion, me so manly! 

So I figured I would at least do a doodle for the benefit of you, my friendly visitors. Actually I had a couple of ideas on the topic, and here they are. 

Pretty good, huh? I'll bet I can work yesterday's Big Brother into this as well. Maybe Google will start a competition for adults as well! 

Parler games.

Their quarry cornered, Twitter, Google, Facebook, Amazon, Apple, and even Pinterest have decided to make Donald Trump a nonperson by refusing him access to their platforms. 

And just in case, they are delisting Parler, expecting Trump to flee to the same free-speech app that I joined a couple of months ago. 

I noticed that on Sunday Parler had refused Apple's ultimatum to knuckle under to their enforced censorship codes, and thus the Parler app was removed from the App Store.

Little pipsqueak of a nobody that I am, I sent Apple a note suggesting they develop an A.I. soul to replace the one they lost when they betrayed the founding principles of the nation. I also suggested that they have made their tyrannical friends in China very happy. 

Apple can be awfully stubborn. Last August the wildly popular Fortnite game decided to try to cut Apple out of their in-game purchase money by using an independent system. Apple promptly bumped their app off the store as well. Epic Games, the creator of Fortnite, promptly released a parody of the famous Apple 1984 commercial, showing Apple to be the tyrant it now is. Epic is suing Apple, and also Google, but they have Facebook on their side. In the meantime, the Epic app is still off the store.

Parler has got to sue its opponents on Constitutional grounds and hurry. If they don't, they will be destroyed before they've even begun. If they give in to pressure, they will be nothing but Twitter Junior, and who needs that? 

Like it or not, Parler is a test case going forward for whether our tech oligarchs will get to decide who can say what in this modern era. I hope they give it to their opponents good and hard and fast, or we'll be living under a censorship as fully as any Chinese mainlander does. Fortunately, it sounds like Parler is planning on a fight, and God bless them if they are.  

In an era where our speech is considered violence and their violence is considered speech, we have no choice but to fight this battle. Personally, I'm too old to learn Newspeak and I'm not going to now.

UPDATE! As noted in Comments, Amazon has thrown Parler off its AWS, so the app and the Web sire are not working. Pardon my francais, but this is a shit thing to do by any measure, and I can only pray for a Republican blitz in 2022 that will lead to a Congress that will start busting these trusts to bits in a way that would make Teddy Roosevelt flinch.

Step into my Parler.

 Some of you may know -- since it brought you here -- that I joined Parler. 

Why would I do such a thing, when I have thus far eschewed all the other social media platforms? Well, the reason I decided to try Parler is that I always entertain hopes that my blog might entertain others, and maybe even entice them to try one of my novels. 

The problem is that Parler only has about 2.8 million users compared to Twitter's supposed 330 million and Facebook's 2.6 billion. 

But Parler is devoted to the exercise of free speech. Therefore, Parler is not dedicated to hosting the mobs who moo as one to destroy the lives of people who say things they dislike. And Parler itself does not go about silencing the voices of people who might -- just as a hypothetical -- post something embarrassing about its preferred political persons while promoting the voices of those who make wild claims about persons it dislikes. 

As Mark Steyn often says, if you don't believe in free speech you dislike, then you don't believe in free speech. There was a time when that bald fact might be enough to shame Leftists who shout down and threaten political opponents, but no more. To them it seems power is the only principle, and all other principles are only speedbumps to be run over, torn up, paved over. 

I hope very much that Parler sticks to its guns, and that its membership continues to grow. It will take quite a lot more Parleyers to get to the point of cascading popularity, where people go on the platform because so many people they want to follow are on the platform. 

Twitter looks invincible now, but so did MySpace, AOL, and Yahoo, once. 

So come drop by @Vitaminfred if you're on Parler and say hi. Hell, say whatever you want. It's a free country -- so far.

Your vote is important to us.

 

Mascot canceled!

METS HIRE NEW MASCOT

Mr. Met, Disgraced Mascot, Dismissed

FLUSHING, NEW YORK -- Fred Wilpon, majority owner of the New York Mets, announced a new mascot to replace the formerly beloved Mr. Met, who had been the mascot for the team for 58 years.

"Mr. Met's actions were a black, eh, eye to the organization," said Mr. Wilpon, referring to the Twitter war that led to the mascot's dismissal. Yesterday rival mascot, the Phillie Phanatic, had expressed his support for the Green Mascots Matter movement, after which Mr. Met replied online that All Mascots Mattered. A short time later the large, white, male, ballsplaining mascot was dismissed.

"It's time we move forward into the 21st century," said Mr. Wilpon. "We had been thinking about upgrading our image with a new mascot for a while, and then Mr. Met forced our hand. Racist baseballs have no place in this organization."

He then introduced the new mascot, Señor Met, to the press.

"We're very proud to have Señor Met join us," said Mr. Wilpon. "His full name, for the record, is Señor or Señora Juan Roscoe Hernandez Jinping Phyllis Exotic Met."

Señor Met held up a sign in seventeen languages saying how happy he was to join the team, and how much he looked forward to the 2020 campaign, short as it will be.

"These days it is crucial to have a mascot that represents the values of the company," concluded Mr. Wilpon. "If a mascot cannot comport himself with dignity, what's the point?"

Caligula's fall?

I was cleaning off the ol' hard drive last week and came across this -- and I have to tell you, it's been hanging around in my Screenshots folder since 2015, and for more than three years I have had no idea what to do with it. 

This was a short-lived campaign for the Lunchables brand of pre-packed food by Kraft. Specifically for the then-new Lunchables Uploaded, which is basically a microwavable Lunchables with more food and a drink.

So they got... Malcolm McDowell to be part of the product launch.

Whuh?

Yeah, the actor most famous for playing rapey killer Alex in A Clockwork Orange, who also played Mick Travis in a series of bizarre Lindsay Anderson films, the dastard Harry Flashman in Royal Flash, and even Caligula in the eponymous X-rated film, signed on to peddle... luncheon meat. This is an actor so cruel that he played a evil professor in a collegiate sitcom; so horrible that he couldn't do a cartoon except as villains like Metallo or Zarm; so scary he played the bad Mr. Roarke in the revival of Fantasy Island; so awful that he played himself in The Player... selling kids' food in 2015.

Eh, it's a living.

Actually, reports are that McDowell is a nice enough guy, apparently friendlier than a lot of movie actors, with a lot of gratitude for his bizarre career, so I guess the evil stuff just kind of got attached to him. Plus, if you're British, you have to play villains, no matter how decent a chap you are. It's been scientifically proven!

Still, McDowell has a history of brilliant performances, often in the service of unworthy vehicles, and the lunch meat thing has to be among the lowest of them all. The gimmick, using the hashtag Are You Down With Up, was that McDowell would be miscast as a teenager in a commercial for teenagers and... well, just have a look. And then go here and have another look.  They're supposed to be painful in a funny way, but they're just kind of painful. Not McDowell's fault. He's game, but the campaign makes no sense.

Plus: Did teenagers in 2015 even know who this guy was? They should have, of course, but teens are not usually known for paying attention to cultural history, or any other kind of history. They are, for the most part, meatheads. They were when I was one, and I have seen nothing to convince me they've gotten better since.

Well, I say, caps off to Malcolm McDowell, who is a fine actor and who obviously has a sense of humor about himself. Plus, his whole career he has been a working actor, which is almost as big an oxymoron as "wealthy author." And I'm sure he'll be able to keep working as long as he wants to. We'll never run out of the need for screen villains. Or lunch.

----

UPDATE: Mr. Philbin alerts me that McDowell is also known as the guy who killed Captain Kirk, which means he has a lot of experience dealing with ham. Once again Mr. Philbin has bested me, and he shall pay for this outrage.

Tweet release.

As Mr. Philbin knows, and as I have written before, I have staunchly refused to Tweet on Twitter. I'm too free-form for that, man. Too blogalicious.

It's not that I am incapable of the 140-character zinger. Heck, my dog could do that. C'mere, Tralfaz! Tweet for the people!

If ur gonna be late for dinner, leave ur feet and the A1 sauce by the door

Puppy shlobber clinically proven to cure many skin ailments

Was excited to go to eye doc when u got ur glasses--i wanted some too but found out that thats not why i can't read - damn

U call it a crate to make urself feel better but everyone knows it's a cage

I think u liked me better when u thot I could speak English & was just obstinate


See? I could come up with some too, if I wanted to. So there!

No, my main problem is that I look like an idiot enough of the time as it is. Let me put this succinctly, in less than 140 characters---a rule you should post backward on your forehead so you see it every day in the mirror: If you can’t control your anger, DO NOT TWEET. You've seen examples constantly. It's terrible to be a well-respected and wealthy person brought to groveling apology by something you let out in public; it's worse if you're a low-level schlub whose career is completely ruined by the same thing.

 

And I'm not sure I trust myself. Too many people need a trip to the woodshed, and when I'm sore I get to thinking that I'm the one who needs to be administering the whuppin'.

Plus, I don't want to make the other guys feel bad. James Patterson only has 57,900 followers, for one. He's a prolific and accomplished guy. Why would I want to start Tweeting and racking up followers? Just to make him feel bad?

Well, I'm sorry, people, but that's just not the Fred way.