Straight as a two-dollar bill.

Got my hands on one of these old beauties while collecting money for a cause last week. You certainly don't see a lot of $2 bills in circulation anymore. 

The United States originally issued two-dollar bills along with the other paper currency after the Legal Tender Act in 1862, and continued to do so until 1966. They always featured Thomas Jefferson, so were sometimes called Toms. The bill never seemed to be as popular as ones, fives, and tens, though, and were thus not printed in as high quantities. In the time the $2 was first printed, it went from being a good deal of money (two days' pay for an unskilled laborer) to a lot less (two hours' pay for unskilled farm work), but neither time nor inflation raised the profile of ol' Tom.  

In 1976 the bill was revived, but the ten-year hiatus had not made it more popular, and it went out of print in 1981. Now they're as seldom seen as the Ike or Susan B. Anthony dollar coins. The Sacagawea coin went out of mint in 2008, so you still see some of them around, but not a lot. I seldom see the newer presidential dollar coins and none of the new "innovation" series, so I think the casinos are hoarding them. 

We just don't like dollar coins in America. I think all coins have an association with cheapness here. The Canadians loved their dollar coin so much they gave it a cute nickname (the Loonie, from the loon on the back). The same goes for their two-dollar coin, which also has a nickname (the Toonie). So even the money in Canada is looney toons. (rim shot)

But coins always got looked down on in the US. I'm not sure when the expression "folding money" (rather than the jingling kind) came into the lingo, as cash worthy of interest, but the oldest reference I know of came from a wartime Fats Waller song, "Cash for Your Trash." The listener is enticed to bring her household trash (old pots and pans and such) to the scrap drive for war use, and receive some money for it, and then canoodle with ol' Fats:

In between we'll do some lovin'

Wide handsome turtle dovin'

Will you listen to me honey

Get plenty of the foldin' money

Yeah, don't settle for that nickel-and-dime stuff; get some actual bills!

As for the two-dollar bill itself, I'd often heard that it was unlucky, but didn't know why. According to Mary Piles, CNB St. Louis Bank Historian (who knew that job existed?), the bad luck tag came from the two being called a deuce, which is also a nickname for the devil. But that's not all! She adds:

One of the reasons the $2 bill was never widely circulated is thought to be due to its negative reputation.

• An urban legend claims that at one time, election rigging was common and the reward for a favorable vote was $2. There was a belief that politicians would purchase votes for $2 therefore, having a $2 bill could be seen as evidence that you had sold your vote. While most likely an urban legend, the myth still gave the bill a sinister reputation.
• In the early 1920s, Prostitution was $2.00 a trick, leading some to refer to the bill as a “whore note.”
• The gambling tracks have a $2.00 window, and if you won, many times you were paid in $2.00 bills. If you were caught with $2’s in your wallet it could lead people to assume you were a gambler.
• The $2 bill was often thought to be bad luck, as “deuce” was a name for the devil. Recipients would tear off one corner, believing it would negate the bad luck of the bill. This caused many of the bills to be taken out of circulation as mutilated currency.

I worked as a teller for a while when I was in school, and I used to buy up $2 bills from other tellers when we cashed out on Friday. That way when I went out drinking with my buddies I would have weird money to draw attention to myself. And I can tell you for a fact that, whether the $2 was lucky or unlucky, I never was. And no, that was not so long ago that (even were I so inclined) I could hire a lady of the evening (ahem) for two bucks. 

There is just one song I know of that mentions a two-dollar bill, by the way (I'd be interested if you know of others). That's Hank Williams's "Hey, Good Lookin'" from 1951. I suspect Hank liked the way it sounded, like money but not a lot of money -- the federal minimum wage in 1951 was 75 cents:

I got a hot rod Ford and a two-dollar bill

And I know a spot right over the hill

There's soda pop and the dancin's free

So if you wanna have fun, come along with me

Less than two years later, Hank was dead, dying on New Year's Day 1953. Was it the mention of the unlucky two that did him in? One has to wonder. 

Resentment.

It's St. Joseph's feast day again! St. Joseph is my confirmation saint, and a very good one to keep an eye on, especially for those of us going through Lent. 

As I've noted before, we don't know much about St. Joseph, but we are confident that he fulfilled the mission of his life uprightly, and therefore that he didn't have resentments about the way things turned out. He certainly could have. There he is, perhaps the most decent man on earth, and he has to devote his life to a mission he did not choose, fleeing to Egypt, fleeing back from Egypt, hearing terrifying prophecies, losing Jesus in the temple, etc. But when he was told to do something by God, he did it without arguing. You can't say that for most of the prophets and saints.

I was thinking about resentments this week, and how giving them up has been a major work of my adulthood. This week I was watching a video by Fr. Mike Schmitz on Ascension Presents about having to do things we don't like, and how this often leads to the same ol' place: resentment. The point that stuck with me seemed quite psychologically sound: 

Resentment is that anger, that frustration, solidified. It's not a living thing. Anger is a living thing; frustration is a living thing; grief is a living thing. Resentment is a frozen thing. It's something ... frozen in time. And it can't move. It can't grow. It's not a living thing. 

While strong and negative feelings from unhappy events can change and pass away, in other words, resentment can't, and that's why it's so awfully destructive.

So, for the rest of Lent, I think it'd be good for me to unfreeze my resentments and let them pass along the way, and stop new ones from forming like dirty hunks of ice on the side of the road. Hey, spring is almost here -- time to end the freezing and start new life. 

To beard or not to beard?

When people are feeling stressed and need a change, they often go out and do something crazy or stupid or expensive or some combination. Like buy a car they cannot afford, get a massive and inappropriate tattoo, spend a month with black-clad idiots trying to break into a federal courthouse, or drink themselves stupid and legally change their name to Céline Dion in a blackout. So many choices!

Me? I'm considering a beard.

I've been cleanshaven now for more than a decade. The last time I started to grow the ol' fungus was when I got laid off from a job (a job that I hated, but still) and went on a facial strike -- no shaving until I got an interview. The church pastor saw me at one point and startled, like I'd shown up wearing cartoon hobo clothes. Ultimately I did shave before I got an interview, because it was summertime and the beard was too itchy.

That's one of the anti-beard arguments, that while it's growing in it's unpleasant on the face. 

A pro-beard argument, though, is when it gets thicker it gives us some protection from the cold. And we got plenty of cold here at this time of year.

The one time I really had a nice, well-groomed beard was about the time my wife and I were engaged. The engagement photo in the paper featured the lovely bride-to-be and me with a real nice Sherwood Forest face and proper hair. Well, the hair ain't coming back, but the beard could. 

Of course, that's another thing about beards that are pro- and anti- ; when your hair gets thin on top, they at least give you the appearance of hair. But everybody knows that's why you grew it. Then you look like one of those upside-down hair/beard drawings. 

A beard isn't really a labor-saver. Gotta keep it neat. I still have to shave the neck. I don't want to look like one of those hell-bound creeps who drives a rental truck into a crowded Christmas market.  

My wife says I don't need a beard because I have a sharp jawline. But a beard is more than camouflage. It's a way of looking at the world and saying... I have hair on my face, world! So there!

I'm about four days in and still undecided. Sadly, four days in I still look like I just forgot to shave one morning. My family is not known for five-o'clock shadow. But it will get there in time.

So what do you think? Beard yes? Beard no? Your vote counts! At least here it does.

New year, new who?

Everyone says change is good. Until he or she has to make a change. Then change sucks eggs.

New Year's is a time we are willing to face the idea of change a little better than most. 

The thing is, as we look over our lives, we're willing to admit that yes, things have to change. Things are not right. So then we take out our pens and notebooks and get to work:

Resolutions for ME
Lose fifty thirty weight
Quit smoking
Take up running
Try yoga
Clear out garage
Remove comical facial hair/nose hair/ear hair
Clean house thoroughly once every three four six months

But then we say, hey, it's not all our fault! Maybe we do need to make some changes... and so do others.

Resolutions for SPOUSE
Lose twenty-three pounds
Bring grocery bill down to about forty dollars a month
Clean out all the old crap she doesn't even want around here (self not included)
Learn a 4th and 5th recipe
Stop nagging me

Resolutions for BOSS
No more passive aggression -- or for that matter, aggressive aggression
No firings or layoffs in 2019
Stop nagging me

Resolutions for CAT
Hairballs: Outside
Give up scratching furniture
Keep mice out of cellar -- mice are not collectibles
Stop looking at me all judgey

Resolutions for BROTHER-IN-LAW
Get off sofa
Get some real clothes
Get job
Get your own food
Get out of my house
Realize that "herb connoisseur" is not an actual job
Stop complaining about being nagged

Resolutions for RETAIL CLERKS/HELP LINE WORKERS
Smile once in a while; it is not fatal
Learn the difference between "helping" and "not helping at all"

Resolutions for CONGRESSMAN/SENATOR/OTHER ELECTED YAHOOS
Leave office and go get real work for a while
Look in mirror every morning and say "I am not that big a deal"
Stop spending my money like it comes from a magical fairy pipeline

Resolutions for RANDOM PEOPLE
Learn how to signal turns, lane changes, and come to a complete stop

Sometimes we never get past the "others" stage. In fact, once we think about all the ways others need to get their acts together, we start looking good by comparison.

Maybe we don't need to change that much after all! Hey, 2019 is going great so far!

...and we're back.

Hi!

Miss me?

I missed you.

Happy Easter!

It was a tough decision, whether to start blogging again. It's been a tough Lent. I really thought I was done with this, and with everything I could jettison, last February 14. You might have guessed from the tone that I was in bad shape, and you'd be right. (You're sensitive that way.) Seriously, I was completely demoralized, hopeless about my writing, burned out by my work, and ready to invest all the money I could grab on scratch-off games and sit on a high bridge while I went through them one by one, figuring to have either a big jackpot or a big plunge. The way I felt was, if I jumped in the river the worst thing that could happen was I'd be charged with littering.

But I'm still here. And I'm not rich. I'm not broke, either. Or wet.

I gave up some things for Lent, took on a couple of other things, and knew in my heart that I wasn't doing nearly enough considering how starved my spirit was feeling. Meanwhile, work got crazier. The world got crazier. And then Rusty Staub died.

Rusty, man.

So what happened to bring ol' Fred back?

Nothing. Everything. Somewhere in between. Hard to say.

Colonel Parker once told Elvis Presley's father, "Nothing changes." They would continue to sell and promote the Elvis brand as always, even though something had seriously changed -- Elvis had just died. Sometimes you try to resist change and have to face it anyway. Then again, to go from the preposterous to the sublime, the Disciples thought the world had come to an end when Jesus died. Three days later they found out it was just beginning.

Some good things did happen to me in the last 46 days, which I'll be talking about (no doubt) in the coming weeks -- nothing earthshaking though, not even for my little patch of earth. And yet I think something has changed. The guy who gets a horrible diagnosis resolves to live as before while fighting the disease; the guy who wins a big jackpot says he won't quit his job. Everything changed but they want nothing to change. I may be in one of those situations but I have no idea which.

I'll just close by saying that more than New Year's, more than Christmas, more than the Fourth of July, Easter is a time of new beginnings. I wish you a very happy and blessed Easter, and may the road take you ever upward.