Fredcoin is back!

Hello, friends! I'm sure you've been wondering through the discombobulation, uncombobulation, anticombobulation, recombobulation, and plain old combobulation of the last few months whether Fredcoin, the world's most Fredlike cryptocurrency, would be back to its old self. And I'm glad to say: Yes, yes it is. 

So, what is actually going on? Well, we know that the problems for disgraced crypto king Sam Bankman-Fried are only beginning, although having bribed all the right people he may escape with a slap on the wrist. I guess it depends on the honesty of our politicians. Although SBF was responsible for greater personal financial losses than the late Bernie Madoff, he has managed to keep from being a poster child for fiscal malfeasance. Somehow his weird drugged-up lifestyle and crazy hair and apparent youth seem to have protected him from the fury of the masses.* And if the masses are not furious, the top dogs get to slip out of trouble.

You know what that means? It means it's time to give your money to me, Fred, and exchange it for good, solid Fredcoin! Because no one understands cryptocurrency, so no one gets mad about it. Sure, Fred's one of the smaller operators, but that's a good thing -- unlike BitConnect and Coinbase, my operation is too small to get the attention of the SEC. So no regulators will come pounding on your door,** no matter how rich you get trading in Fredcoin!***

Just to be on the safe side, however, I'm planning on growing my hair out crazy Bankman-Fried style. Madoff's problem was that he was too bald. Actually, since my hair has been making for the exits for some time, I'll get a big Fred fro wig. I think it will provide extra protection against the fury of the masses and the lickspittles in the press. Seems to be working for Sam! 

* Meaning, the press has shown no interest so far in attacking him like the hyenas they are. I'm not sure why this is, but I suspect they think he will escape and still have lots of money to bribe them, too. 

** Non-door-pounding not guaranteed.

*** Neither is wealth.