Monday, February 20, 2017

A few minutes with Benjamin Franklin.

Benjamin Franklin: I've quite enjoyed this visit with the modern era. Such wonderful inventions based on my old friend, electricity.

Fred Key: Yes sir, Mr. Franklin, you lit the way on that one!

BF: And I am most impressed that the nation has managed to stay together all this time.

FK: So far. Tell me, Mr. Franklin, if you had been younger, would you have wanted to challenge Washington for the presidency of the country?

BF: Oh, no, I would happily let such a thing to Washington. I found him an excellent man. As I told him, "Here you would know and enjoy what posterity will say of Washington. For a thousand leagues have nearly the same effect with a thousand years."

FK: Uh...

BF: I was in Europe at the time...

FK: Huh?

BF: A thousand leagues away in France, where his reputation was much better than it was in Congress.

FK: You were right, sir; we still love Washington, which is why he's on the one-dollar bill and the 25-cent piece.

BF: Is that one-dollar bill not the smallest denomination of paper money?

FK: Yes, he's on it so there'd be more pictures of President Washington in circulation, I've heard.

BF: Then why is he not on the penny rather than the 25-penny coin?

FK: Because... it makes no sense.

BF: And that is why I had little stomach for politics later in life. And you say I'm on the $100 bill?

FK: Yes, sir.

BF: The one that's least in circulation.

FK: Uh, yeah, but it is the highest denomination bill.

BF: That is something. Why, you could buy ten cows with a hundred dollars!

FK: Not quite so many cows now.

BF: Silence, sir; I'm considering it an honor.

FK: Please do. Well, it's been -- 

BF: Say, what is that thing? That looks like one of those monetary notes you were telling me about. The one with my portrait.

FK: Oh... This old thing?

BF: The hundred dollar one? That you couldn't show me?

FK: You can't expect me to have a bill that large, sir. I work in publishing.

BF: I see some things haven't changed. But what is this thing that looks like money?

FK: It's a... a beach towel. Made to look like money.

BF: As a counterfeit bill?

FK: No, just... People like money.

BF: And this beach towel is used to dry one's beach?

FK: No, no, you use it at the beach. Like a picnic blanket. You spread it on the sand and lay on it. Get some sunshine. Tan the skin.

BF: You do this?

FK: Not me; I burn like a fritter. But many young ladies do that.

BF: So young ladies are laying on my portrait. Not the worst fate posterity can offer. And which young lady uses this towel?

FK: Uhhh... My, look at the time! Well --

BF: Mr. Key?

FK: It's for the dogs.

BF: I beg your pardon, sir.

FK: I needed some cheap towels for my dogs, so I found this in the dollar store. When I take the dogs out and it's raining and they come in all wet...

BF: You use my portrait to dry off your dogs.

FK: mmmm.... yeah, actually.

BF: My face is being used to dry a dog's rear end.

FK: Well, sometimes his face, too.

BF: Thank you for your hospitality, sir; I think I shall go back to being dead now.

FK: I understand.

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