Friday, February 5, 2016

Squeeze it dry.

Do you know what this is?

It's a clip designed to squash the toothpaste tube flat in an orderly manner, ensuring a nice even squeeze and a thorough emptying of the tube. I got it at the Container Store, but they're made by Jo!e, who sells them under the name Squeeze Ease Tube Squeezers, and they work just as advertised. Three bucks for a set of three. Of course, they are designed not to contain, but to un-contain, but perhaps the Container Store is branching out.

The Squeeze Ease Tube Squeezers may never make back what they cost in terms of how much more toothpaste they get from the tube, but they in addition to easing the squeeze, they ease your fears of waste, from which, as the proverb promises, want follows. (Further, there are pricey prescription medications that come in tubes and for those, these little devices may quickly prove their value.)

It got me thinking of opportunities for other stuff-removal products. The other stuff that's on the bottom of your tube or bags or boxes and so on is never worth very much, but it always seems like a waste to let it go. This could open the door for some enterprising young fellow---like me! (Or you, if you'll cut me in.) Here's some ideas I had---just spitballing, you understand....

Aspirin Dust Assembler---Takes all the dust at the bottom of the bottle of aspirin; reassembles it into a single aspirin pill. Any leftover dust can be saved and combined with the dust in the bottom of your next bottle. Works for Tums, too!

Saltine Mill---Cleverly takes the crumbs inside the saltine sleeve and grinds them into fine salty bread crumbs, which can be used with other plain bread crumbs to top your tuna casserole or make meatloaf or whatever weird thing you do with bread crumbs.

Cereal Sugar Refiner---Just pour the shards and colored sugar at the bottom of the Cap'n Crunch's Crunch Berries bag into the refiner, and out comes perfectly good decorator's sugar, excellent for cupcakes or cookies. Nothing like a little dose of Lucky Charms on your already sugar laden desserts.

Cheeto Reconfigurer---From the people that brought you the Aspirin Dust Assembler, it's the Cheeto Reconfigurer! Shakes the cheez and meal bits out of the "empty" bag and turns them into a complete Cheeto (or however much of a Cheeto can be created by what's available). Scrape off your orange fingers into the Reconfigurer and take bets on how much of a Cheeto can be churned out from the powder. Makes a great drinking game!

Peanut Oil Deglazer---Why waste all that good oil on the inside of your can of cocktail peanuts? The Peanut Oil Deglazer scrapes the can like crazy, yielding as much as .001 tablespoon of delicious salty peanut oil.

Wine Box Squeezer---Any good drunk will tell you there's more wine in that Mylar bag inside the box of Peter Vella's finest. The Wine Box Squeezer will flatten the box and the bag and give you the fine taste of the Chablis inside. Good to the last drop!

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