I am not sick.

I am not sick.

I AM NOT SICK.

Just because my nose keeps running, and I feel tired and run-down, does not mean I am sick.

And yes, I have been in several places where people meet and shake hands, and also in a doctor's office this past week. But that was a pain-management specialist and he doesn't count.

I AM NOT SICK.

Writing this on Friday afternoon, listening to more reports on the coronavirus, as the number of cases here in New York ticks upward -- 33 right now. Not much? Well, didn't stop Evil-Eyes Andy Cuomo from grabbing some weird, undefined emergency powers.

But that's fine. Because I am not sick.

Yes, I live in the lower Hudson Valley, not too far from Woodbury Common, Disneyland for shoppers, which is one of the top tourist destinations in the state. Very popular with Japanese travelers and, in more recent years, Chinese travelers. It's true that the travel bans recently have made an impact on the place. I know someone who works in one of the stores, a money machine that takes in $25,000 a day normally. The take is down, by 20% to 40% of late. But the tourists haven't vanished entirely.

And yes, this person claimed to be sick on Thursday. Cold-like symptoms. But I did not contact this person in person.

Which is why I AM NOT SICK.

Scene from the film Contagion, which I did not see
and do not have to see because I am not sick.

Now we hear that coronavirus can be spread via "fecal shedding." Okay, well, I don't touch other people's butts. But we don't have to:

The toilet bowl, sink, and bathroom door handle of an isolation room housing a patient with the novel coronavirus tested positive for the virus, raising the possibility that viral shedding in the stool could represent another route of transmission, investigators reported.

Oh, goody! So, like that guy at my old office who was NEVER, EVER seen to wash his hands in the toilet (I'm not kidding) would have a new and interesting way to play Typhoid Murray. Glad I work at home now.

I could just have a mild cold, anyway. It is still winter, you know. Will be for two more weeks. Of course, the weather has been really mild.... That's it! Early spring, as forecast by Punxsutawney Phil; this is just seasonal allergies, earlier than expected.

That's all.

I'm going to go take a nice hot shower now....

Shortly thereafter

Ahh. Much better. Yes, I'm still rather run-down, but it was a busy workday. I'm sure I'll be just fine on Saturday morning if I get a good night's sleep. Which I will ensure by taking some diphenhydramine, which will treat the seasonal allergies, which is probably what I have, if anything, or if not that just a mild cold.

That's all.

Saturday morning

All right, I still don't feel great, but I am certain it's not coronavirus at least. A New York county health department released this:

The three distinguishing symptoms are shortness of breath, cough, and fever, and I have none of these. I'm just tired, sniffly, and paranoid. Sounds like I'm in the clear! Probably just allergies.

All the same, I'm keeping my hands in my pockets the whole time I'm outside the house. It may be difficult to drive that way, but my health is worth it.

Tusk break.

"Don't take it hard, Chuck -- I know you're the best damn pilot in the fleet! We just can't fit enough people in the chopper with you."

Occasional correspondent Mr. Philbin asks me when I am going to stop drawing elephant cartoons. I answer: When elephants stop being so freaking awesome.

🐘🐘🐘

West Point.

If you've ever been in New York's Hudson Valley, I hope you've had the time to visit West Point. This is, of course, the college of the United States Army, where the Black Knights play their home games. And as the US Military Academy it is an active college campus, albeit one where live ammunition is authorized and survival training is done on the surrounding hills. 

It's also a great place to see some American history. We were there not long ago for a little tour and a history lesson. 

I remember going when I was a Cub Scout, long before the boys' scouting organizations turned into the pantywaist outfits that they are now, and I think we were taken there to see where we might go to school if we were very smart and very tough and very dedicated and very fit. I think I failed on all four counts, but I still liked the trip.

Here's some random shots from our current-day visit, to display my lack of photographic skills and share a little trivia with you. 

View of the Mighty Hudson from the visitor's center. You can get a taste
of how lovely this river valley is from here. In autumn it is ablaze like glory.

The West Point Museum

Question: Name two Shea Stadiums in New York.

Answer: The Mets played in one Shea Stadium in Queens from 1964 to 2008. And the US Army plays lacrosse, sprint football, and various track and field events at its own Shea Stadium at West Point. (Michie Stadium is where the Black Knights play football.) The Mets' Shea was named for William Shea, who helped get the National League expansion franchise started; the Army's Shea was Richard Shea, an Army athlete was was killed in 1953 in Korea. There, now you can win a bar bet.

Very poor shot of the American Soldier's Statue (1980),
dedicated to the enlisted man. 

No history of West Point can fail to include the Great Chain, a chain of mighty links stretched across the Hudson to stop British ships coming from Canada in the Revolutionary War. When the British learned of the Great Chain and the many cannon waiting for them, they decided not to try that route. The tourists here are touching some of the actual links. Most were melted down for scrap. (The links, not the tourists.)

I'm informed by my sources in the valley that occasionally fake links show up, but there was one very famous hoax regarding the Chain (see the story here, along with a much better picture of the links).

Our guide showed us the many cannon that had been
captured in America's wars dating back to the Revolution;
1812, Spanish-American War, et al are represented. We were also
told that we no longer capture weaponry. What fun is that?

"Caution: This End Out."

Lady Fame graces the top of one of the tallest monuments in West Point, the Battle Monument of 1897, commemorating those who paid the ultimate price in the Civil War---for the North. Here the war is called the War of the Rebellion.

I was touched by everything about the monument, but I think especially these cannon on display---buried facing down, so brother may never fire upon brother again in these United States.

----

One final note: We did not get to see the famous statue of General George S. Patton, at least not up close, so the picture below is not mine. It famously took the mathematically poor Patton five years to graduate the four-year program at West Point---West Point still requires students to study engineering---and when asked about that he would say, "In the whole time I was at West Point, I couldn't find the library." In his statue he is seen with a pair of binoculars.

According to Maureen Oehler DuRant and Peter E. Carroll's book West Point, from which this photo comes, Patton's widow requested that his monument be placed at the West Point library. There he stands... facing away from the building. You'll find it one day, General.

I club New York.

Saw an ad for various attractions for New York State in the fall.

Font of all knowledge Wikipedia tells us that this blasted slogan and logo have been used since 1977. Thirty-seven years is damn long enough, don't you think? If people don't frigging heart New York by now, they aren't likely to start hearting it with another round of this stupid thing.

And it is a stupid thing. The tourism board tells you "I Love New York." Well, of course you do! It's your job! What you want to say is "You'll Love New York," but it doesn't fit the square.

And this would be presumptuous.

No, it's clear that New York has to come up with something fresh to keep the interest of potential tourists who have lost their minds and want to be separated from their money here. Naturally, public-minded Fred aims to rush to the rescue with my ideas for new slogans.

And yet the more I thought about it, the more I realized how hard it is to come up with a tourist slogan for anything other than maybe a tropical paradise, and even they may cause you to circumvent the truth ("St. Urania: We Haven't Had a Bloody Revolution in Months!" "St. Urania: Now With 23% Fewer Febrile Diseases!"). U.S. states (and commonwealths, all right, Mr. Picky Pick) have other issues, such as the fact that most of them have very similar neighbors. A campaign that works for Idaho might work just as well for Wyoming. New York may consider itself an exception, but I have my doubts. (Jersey's got shores, Vermont's got leaves, Pennsylvania's got hills.) Further, U.S. states (and commonetc.) often have little to offer than cannot be found someplace closer.

"You there, in Texas! Get in your car and drive fifteen hours to Alabama for vacation!"

"Why?"

"The wonderful Gulf coast!"

"Like the one we have here? Or the closer one in Mississippi? Or Louisiana, for Pete's sake?"

"Fine, stay there."

What are we supposed to say, our autumn leaves are better than Vermont's or New Hampshire's? So you start trying to think of things your state offers that are unique. "New York: Kind of Triangular." Okay, no good. But New York does have some great features you don't find everywhere in the U.S., like "Niagara: Falls, Folks, and Fun!" Or "The Hamptons: We Don't Want Your Kind."

But you want attractions for the whole state, not just pieces (like "Can't Have Utica without U!"). It's tempting to make your campaign about your biggest city, like New York City or Chicago or New Orleans, but this has to be a state campaign. Let the cities have their own dad-blasted campaigns, is the cry from the state tourism board.

New York's got everything other states have, although often less of it. You want mountains? We got little ones---small, but potent. Sports? Yes, even one NFL team. Horse racing? Just a charming spot called Saratoga and a third of the Triple Crown. Museums? We got culture out the bazooty. National monuments? There's a big green lady I want you to meet. Historic military academy? You bet. Beaches? Down there on the pointy end. Lakes? Sure, lakes. "Even Our Lakes Give You the Finger!" As in most states there's a hodgepodge of things that will never all appeal to everyone. California has more different crap than any other state in the nation and they gave up and went with "Dream Big" as their slogan. It tells you only marginally more than I Heart New York.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized the reason states even have a tourism board is just to get money. You are irrelevant, but your money is always needed. Especially in this state, where our government can't sneeze without a $10,000 gilded tissue. So I finally settled on "New York: Send the Money and No One Gets Hurt."

Not catchy, but it gets the point across.