Easy childing, hard adulting.

I hear them young whippersnappers complain about the problems of adulting, how they should have been taught to do their taxes and change tires in school instead of learning algebra or cartography. 

I'm actually not going to come down on them too hard. I know they're being flippant, and we all know that the reason we learn a little about a lot of subjects in school is because we have to find the kids who like algebra and cartography and all the other subjects that will not be so useful for the rest of us later on, because someone has to know how to do these things. Also, learning a lot of things in a stressful environment is a great way to learn how to learn, and it's good exercise for the mind. Still, it would be helpful if kids got more practical life lessons in school -- or at home.

And there's the rub. There are strong disadvantages for kids who are not required to do things at home. In the suburban area where I live, no kids are ever seen pushing lawnmowers, regardless of the income level at which they live. Dad rides the mower or they leave it to the pros. I never see kids raking leaves or painting the house or any of the things I used to do with my dad that I hated. 

Further, there are not that many jobs for youngsters, and probably fewer youngsters who would want to do them anyway. Why should they? To save for college? To work all summer and pile up a pittance that won't even pay for three credits in the way-overpriced universities of the present day?

The real loss shows later down the road, in the failure to go through all those miserable jobs and learn how to "adult." 

Do not think that I'm saying kids have it too easy. Actually, in a lot of very crucial ways, they have it worse now. They may have greater material goods than generations past, but they are much less likely to be raised in a solid home with some kind of moral and spiritual foundation. That makes them more susceptible to all kinds of social ills, especially nihilism. 

I get on the anti-nihilism soapbox a lot. It's the main reason we have not vanquished so many other of those social ills. If nothing matters, why do anything? Why achieve anything, except for the most base, egomaniacal reasons? If nothing matters, who cares what you do? Why, really, does it matter if I hurt someone if I want to? Nothing matters means exactly what it says. 

And this too is a product of "bad childing." Kids shielded from all kinds of tough truths become teenagers who are shocked and dismayed to discover the facts of life. They realize they have literally been lied to by everyone about everything -- not just about the Tooth Fairy! They were lied to about how perfect and special they were! (Everyone is special and unique -- only not in the ways egotism tells us. That's a hard concept to grasp when you are thirteen. Or maybe even thirty.) 

It becomes a race to the bottom -- the kids need to eject any hopeful or meaningful ideals before those too are exposed as lies. Nihilism feels true because they now expect the worst. It's a protection against further disappointment. Nihilism is also enticing because promises it freedom and pokes fun at everything. If nothing matters, you can do whatever you want! But in the end, the menu is always the same. 

 

So put them to work around the house. Encourage them to find jobs. Tell them they must commit to extracurriculars, and not bail out when the going gets tough. Establish rules. You can't "give them a sense of pride," pace Whitney Houston, but you can help them earn it. If there's the slightest glimmer of faith in the parents, they should commit to some kind of churchgoing. And by all means, protect the kids from not from the knowledge of harsh realities but from being the victim of harsh realities. 

Coaches say things like "Easy training, hard game. Hard training, easy game." The truth of that is simple to grasp. Well, childhood needs to be a training ground for adulthood, and it does kids no favors to treat it any other way.