Tip off.

Had an embarrassing moment at the dog groomer when picking up humongous pup Tralfaz yesterday. She runs a no-credit-card business, so I always bring cash, and come prepared. Well, guess what? I had enough to cover the charge for the bath and trimming and all, but only a few singles left -- and I like to tip generously, at least when the person involved had to wrestle my 110+ pound hairball of a dog and wind up buried in dog hair during the drying. But I forgot to check the wallet before going to get him. What a dumb thing for me to do!

No, she doesn't take
Fredcoin either.

Tipping doesn't usually cause me concern. Mom, who was good at math, told me that one tenth of the bill and half again is 15 percent for the waiter, so I've never had to use a calculator in the restaurant. I'm more concerned when I order takeout online and get poked to add a tip. If I have to get out of the car and fetch the food, there is no waiter. But if I don't include a tip, will the staff spit in my food? What do you do?

There are also other times when you are not clear about tipping. The old rule of thumb was a buck a bag for the bellboy, but that was long ago and inflation has had its way. Plus, most hostelries now don't even have bellpersons; you're lucky if they have a cart they'll let you use. I think I saw a hotel ad that showed the mom and dad pushing the cart while the daughter runs ahead to unlock the door, a subtle way of saying "Don't expect us to manhandle your crap for you." For me that's just as well, because I don't know what the going rate for a bellboy is now. 

If you're in a hotel and not on an expense account, and you order room service, I think you are expected to tip the server $500 if he performs CPR on you after you see how much they charged for a muffin and coffee.

Other areas are not so complicated. Drive-through car wash? A buck for each of the dryers. Barber, at least a fiver. Coffee shop counter? I think not. Local pizza place? Any change from the bills; extra buck or two for quick service. Stores where they ask you to donate to whatever the cause of the month is when you check out? They're usually unimpeachable charities, like for puppies and sick children and veterans, but I still get irritated when they ask. The cashiers always sound sorry that they have to ask. So yeah, I may give, but that's not really a tip anyway. Just feels like one.

The dog barber (grooming is now a taboo term, I guess) always, always, always gets a tip, because even if she did not do a great job (which this one does), I have no idea how bad my dog was in my absence, and I put nothing past my beasts. I assume my dog caused trouble and tip accordingly.

Running short on cash was embarrassing, but I told the lady that I would literally mail her her tip. And I will, in a thank-you card. (I don't believe she uses PayPal or any of the other services like that.) As I said, anyone who can wrestle with Fazzy and come out on top deserves something.