Ah, Walmart! Ah, humanity!

I have to say, during this Chinese corona crisis, the world has turned upside down. By that I mean I actually preferred shopping for groceries at Walmart last week to the local supermarket.

The reason has nothing to do with selection (Walmart's better with some things and worse with others) or even price (Walmart's generally cheaper but the quality is lower, especially in produce). Nor is Walmart known to be more hygienic than other stores. No, the reason I preferred Walmart is that it's easier to get around without someone sneering at you from behind the mask.

I'm okay with the mask thing and the latex gloves, and I can do my best with the six-foot social distancing space, but I am driven crazy by the one-way streets. This goes against a lifetime of training in supermarket etiquette. Now suddenly I have to follow arrows taped to the floors that indicate which aisle is east (or north) and which is west (or south or whatever). This becomes an issue mainly when I skip an aisle. "I don't need paper products today," I say, and skip that aisle, and suddenly I'm in Dairy with oncoming traffic all mad at me. I also have a bad habit of missing something on my list, abandoning my cart, and running back to a previous aisle to get it (but not if I'm already on checkout). This inevitably requires contravening the one-way rules.

This is better in Walmart than in the supermarket for three reasons:

1) The aisles are wider in Walmart. So you have more room to pass the large lady trying to find the can of low-sodium peas.

2) The ceiling is high, too. This gives the illusion of space, even though it doesn't really matter, as if the COVID-19 virus was lighter than air and would cluster far above us harmlessly. But it feels better.

3) People don't care as much in Walmart. The people in Walmart are -- by and large -- less concerned about personal space, even in a pandemic. Let's face it -- some of them are less concerned about their own personal pants. So they are not as inclined to give you a dirty look.

Walmart also always has the advantage over supermarkets that in addition to buying steak, milk, and Cheerios, you can buy tires, dandelion killer, and neckties.

Also the only store I know where you can meet at the corner of Child Care and Child Prevention.

So two cheers to Walmart for being a place that you can shop without getting dirty looks, regardless of your compliance and maybe even the state of your trousers.

Of course, my own trousers are fine. I can't believe you'd even ask such a question.