NOOOO!

I saw this in Dunkin' Donuts (still not giving up the Donuts part of the name) and it shook me with dread:

Pumpkin coffee is back! It's Halloween time! In August!

But then I was in the ol' wholesale club the next day and I saw THIS, lurking above:

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

I swear to God, I feel like I just was making cookies with Prep & Landing on the TV a week ago. I know time gets faster as you get older -- just as the roll of toilet paper goes faster the closer it gets to the cardboard -- but this is ridiculous. And yes, all these Christmas goodies were up on high shelves, wrapped with plastic... but still. Christmas in August.

Now, I have to admit that the pumpkin spice thing isn't that far off, it being less than two weeks until Labor Day and the unofficial start of autumn. In New York, at least, Labor Day = school = fall. Yes, we will have three more weeks of summer, but the equation is ironclad: Labor Day = school = fall. So pumpkin spice stuff is not totally out of line.

But we are only two thirds of the way through the year at the end of August. Unless we are in the business of manufacturing holiday stuff, we should be safe from all external signs of Christmas this early. I do magazine work, and yes, it's Christmas-minded already. But having it in my face like this at a retail establishment gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Obviously none of that stuff was for sale yet; it was just sitting there, getting ready. And to be fair, in a warehouse club, where else are they supposed to put it? The place is a warehouse!

I don't know. I just can't take it. You all know how much I love Christmas. But I can't bear to think of it yet, nor of the miserable winter that lies on the other side of that fence. It's a Christmas nightmare, I tell ya, worse than Ebeneezer's. Make it go away!