America's fortune cookie crisis.

In 2017 your intrepid reporter covered the sad case of Donald Lau, the Chinese fortune cookie writer who had to give up his career because of an insurmountable case of writer's block. A pity when a writer who was probably one of the most-read wordsmiths in the country has to walk away.

Well, today I'm here to tell you that the crisis is deepening.

I noted as far back as 2016 -- doesn't that seem like a long time ago? So much going on -- that our fortune cookies seldom included fortunes anymore, meaning predictions about the future, and were in fact pretty anodyne, even dull. I hope I did not add to Mr. Lau's woes with my blog entry, because since his retirement from the writing game, things have gotten a good deal worse.

Here's a sampling from a couple of our recent Chinese takeout meals:

Well, I think this one is... huh? The more I think about this the less sense it starts to make. Things are gained by ignoring the future but no one knows how much... I have no idea what this is supposed saying. I got to thinking it was a Buddhist koan, a paradox that reveals wisdom on meditation, but I don't think it's quite a paradox. Irony, maybe, but to what purpose? Maybe it's a lousy translation of a more cohesive statement. I've thought about this long enough.

This is kind of sweet, especially if you're getting the cookie with a loved one. On a first date? MMmmmeh, not so sure.
"So... I got a restraining order against me, I'm almost bankrupt, and I got toenail fungus." 
"CHECK, PLEASE!"

This I think is just wrong. As the Despair.com people have said so well, "A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction." And, "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." Ignorance on fire is much, much worse than knowledge on ice. Now, it may be that what is meant is "Ignorance with a desire to learn is better than knowledge that does nothing," but that's not the first reading you get, is it?

And this is just an embarrassment.

What is to be done? I'm not sure. We can't just say "That's how the cookie crumbles"; we're not quitters.

If it weren't for the disastrous backlash I'd get for cultural appropriation, I'd find a good recipe and start my own fortune cookie company. I don't think I'd necessarily be better at this than the current cookie authors, but a fresh perspective might elevate the industry, don't you think? Remember, "Better to say 'I can!' than just sit around on yours." See? You can have that one for free.