Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Fred promotes unity.

A friend of mine mentioned that she'd been looking at a catalog that had a jacket with an amazing number of pockets. Being a woman who carries many things, and has children, she was attracted to this idea. 

I don't know what jacket exactly it was, but perhaps it was like this vest/jacket combo below:

The SeV System 8.0 from SCOTTeVEST, with a total of 39 pockets. A steal at $300, if you can find your wallet.

I like pockets. Perhaps more than most guys. Even before we were all welded to our cell phones, I needed pockets for cigarettes and lighters (though not anymore), keys, wallet, pens, coins, notebooks, lucky items, memorabilia, and miscellaneous doodads. So I completely understand my friend's desire for a jacket with tons of pockets.

That said, I cautioned her against giving into the pocket obsession. I pointed out that what it usually meant was precious moments patting yourself down like a self-arresting perp while trying to find your car keys in the rain. Whatever she wanted would always be lost in a pocket on the side of the coat on which she was carrying a heavy shopping bag. I said that a couple of large pockets were better than a zillion tiny ones, because it would limit the number of choices necessary before the start of the search.

She admitted that my description was accurate, as she was as disorganized as I am. She added with a sigh that her husband was nothing like that. He had, in fact, become a compulsive labeler, slapping little labels on all the drawers and cabinets in the house to indicate what was inside.

I then revised my opinion conditionally. I said that if she were to get a coat of many pockets that could be labeled, then she and her husband might spend many happy hours labeling the pockets with whatever she wanted the pockets to contain, and if she were good about following the labels, she would never be caught out searching for what she wanted. It might seem silly at first to have a bunch of labels on the outerwear, but that it never seems to bother NASCAR drivers. I said that this would make the pockets useful, rather than puzzling, and would give her and her husband a lovely project to complete together. They could debate whether the labels would be best right side up, or perhaps upside down, so she could read them while looking down at the jacket, or perhaps sideways if that would help the labels fit better. They could decide as a couple whether alphanumeric codes might be best, considering that there would be very small pockets; this also had the benefit of disguising the contents, as revealing the contents in plain language might encourage thievery. And if colored labels could be made, that brought in a whole new world of coordination and themes. A project like this could promote togetherness as well as fashion sense.

Because Fred is a romantic, and believes in promoting unity within the family. Feel free to ask me your questions, and I will provide the benefit of my wisdom.

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