Tuesday, September 22, 2015


(Minor naughty language warning.)


I'd like to say this is an Open Letter to Pope Francis, but I cannot stand the affectation of Open Letters. I suppose I've done them myself, but they're so frigging phony. First of all, the author sniffily sets himself up as Someone Who Is Perspicacious and Knows Things; among the Things he Knows is more than the poor sap whom he is trying to hang out for public correction. Second of all, they are written for the benefit of others who will see how smart the writer is; the so-called addressee will likely never see the damn thing, and will not care if he does.

But I am neither pretending I know more than the Holy Father nor trying to impress anyone; I just want to keep him from praying for God to smite Washington, DC, with a Monty Python-esque foot.

That'll leave a mark.

The pope arrives in DC today, a horrific nest of vipers, as anyplace full of politicians and lobbyists must be. But as he comes from South America, the pope has long experience in dealing with these vile creeps. Hell, he just left Cuba, where, true to form, the Castros had some dissidents who wanted to celebrate Mass with the pope turned away.

Our president apparently thinks he can bother Francis by slipping in some dissidents of his own; not people who disagree with Obama---good heavens, no!---but pro-choice nuns and gay bishops and whatnot. If he thinks that will bother Francis, he doesn't know his man. Obama may suppose this is just the ticket to change Church teaching on abortion and gay marriage and stuff. Obama will only succeed in being an impolite jerk. If you had invited an honored guest into your house (especially if you were representing your community), would you go out of your way to invite people who have issues and grudges with your guest? No, because you're not a douchebag. The president seldom misses an opportunity to be a douchebag.

But he's our douchebag, so I must ask the pope not to pray for that smiting, as much as the District of Columbia may be improved by some smitation. As Abraham pleaded to the Lord, if there are even ten just men in all of the city, the Lord must stay his hand (or foot) from destroying it. And surely there must be ten decent people in Washington.

Mustn't there?

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